“Hopefully, George is looking down right now and saying this is a great thing that’s happening for our country. This is a great day for him, it’s a great day for everybody. This is a great day for everybody. This is a great, great day in terms of equality.” – Donald Trump, June 5th, 2020
Dear Lord,
Today has been a great day, especially for George Floyd. I can see him up there with you, happily dead. With a gold halo like a toilet seat hovering over his head. He’s fluttering around with his new wings that are almost as powerful as Air Force One. Smiling down, bigly, at Americans being dominated and dying.
Come to think of it, George is a lot like me.
Except that I’m fair and golden-haired. I’m a very fair man. There’s not much else different between me and George. When I get up there where he is, we’ll get along great. We’ll talk about how we were both oppressed. I wear the manacles of the Constitution and can feel the knee of the Deep State on my neck. George has been through some tough times, too. I’d like to talk to him about that very strongly.
We have so much in common. I’m a man. So was George. He lived in America, where I live. George’s family misses him, just like mine doesn’t when I have to go golfing.
We’re practically the same guy. Which means it’s been a great day for me, too. I might not have enjoyed it in the same way George did, floating around on cloud nine with a harp. But in my own small way, I’m enjoying being the supreme ruler of the land he gave up on.
I hope you’re looking down approvingly at the great job I’m doing, George. And of course, you, too, Lord. Did you see me plug your book? In front of that church?
George, I’m sorry – and don’t tell anyone I said that word – but it felt good to have a bunch of your fans beaten and gassed on my way over to the church. I was a little jealous. You were (you have to admit!) hogging all the headlines.
But I’d say I evened things out. It’s all about equality, right? So I’d say we both had a great day on that day, too. I’m sure you feel the same; otherwise there would be inequality between us.
Anyway, the main thing is that the jobs report was great today. That means a great day for you, George, so after-live it up.
You’ll have to excuse me now. I have a date with a cheeseburger. God bless me.
Amen.
