March 5, 2020
Dear Sugardaddies,
My lawyer just told me that I need to send out an update about our “coronavirus policies.” Well, here’s what Big Jim Sugardaddy’s got to say.
This club has been a staple of the greater Reno area for over thirty years, and nothing can stop us. We faced the great bedbug incident of late 2019 and very recently came back stronger than ever. Hell, if anyone were to check our floors, they’d find a lot worse than some pissant flu bug. Thank god the Reno health inspector is a proud Sugardaddy. See you on Wednesday, Ralph!
First, let me remind you all of our “no touching” policy ;).
The sinks in the bathroom have been fixed, and they now produce water. If the soap dispensers are empty – and they will be – just make the water real hot to kill all the germs. If you need soap for some reason, then use the customer women’s room, which has been untouched since 1983.
Fans of our world-famous Sugardaddy’s Seafood Buffet will be glad to hear that it remains open for business.
I will be personally shaking the hand of every customer that walks through our doors. Coronavirus, my ass. Looking forward to seeing all of our favorite daddies soon!
Jim Sugardaddy
March 10, 2020
Dear Sugardaddies,
Okay, so we’ve been told by the Reno Board of Health that we have to take this thing a little more seriously or there will be “consequences.” So we’ve expanded our “no touching” policy to a “no touching, really” policy.
A couple times a week, our staff will be using antibacterial wipes to clean high-touch surfaces, including our chairs, tables, and world-class dancers.
Bottles of Lysol cleaner will be available to spray down your 20s, 50s, and 100s before handing them over to one of our fine ladies. And don’t worry, the world famous Sugardaddy’s Seafood Buffet is still going strong! Out of an abundance of caution, we spray down our delicious lobster, crab, and scallops every hour with Lysol.
There’s never been a better time to come on down to Sugardaddy’s!
Jim Sugardaddy
March 15, 2020
Those punks at the Reno Board of Health have threatened to shut us down if we don’t adopt “proper CDC guidelines.” Thanks for nothing, Ralph.
So here are the new rules:
We have expanded our “no touching, really” policy to a “no touching, we really mean it this time, don’t touch anybody or anything” policy.
Sugardaddy’s is also proud to say that we’ve bought hundreds of N95 masks to keep our dancers safe. While on and off stage, our dancers will be donning sexy N95 masks and even sexier plastic gloves. In keeping with their new look, bras and pasties will also be made of N95 masks.
We regret to inform you that the world-famous Sugardaddy’s Seafood Buffet has been closed.
But we’re excited to announce an update to your lap dance* punch card. March is double punch month! Each lap dance will now count as two. Remember, after ten lap dances, your next is free!
*All lap dances will be conducted at a distance of six feet, as per CDC guidelines.
Jim Sugardaddy
March 20, 2020
Hi there Sugardaddies, this is Bobby Sugardaddy, son of Jim and heir to the Sugardaddy throne. Jim’s not feeling so hot, so I’m just here to share some updates to our policies given the worsening pandemic.
We’ve been having some issues with dollar bills covered in Lysol spray disintegrating, so Sugardaddy’s now takes only change. Prices remain $20 for a lap dance, so that means 80 quarters, 200 dimes, 400 nickels, or 2,000 pennies. We’ve provided a change machine at the front for your convenience. Don’t forget to tip!
We will also be providing our dancers with full hazmat suits for their safety. During one of their thrilling routines, our world-class dancers will strip away layers of their hazmat suit to reveal a smaller hazmat suit. In compliance with CDC guidelines, these hazmat suits cannot be removed, but we got the ones with the big eye windows.
And Jim wants to assure all customers that he’s just dealing with some allergies; he’ll be back to roaming the dancers’ dressing rooms in no time!
Bobby Sugardaddy
March 25, 2020
We are sorry to inform you that Sugardaddy’s has somehow been deemed “nonessential.” Try telling that to our satisfied customers! Unfortunately, we can no longer allow any of you daddies inside. However, we will still be offering curbside service at all of our twenty-five locations in the greater Reno area.
Using the new Sugardaddy’s app, select a dancer. Upon pulling up out front, give us a ring and we’ll pull back the window curtain to give you a peek at your dancer of choice. We charge by the minute – one honk means keep going, two honks mean stop.
And feel free to enjoy dinner and a show by adding one of our signature seafood dishes to your purchase. One of our Sugarsons will bring out your delicious plate of lobster, crab, or scallops. Please deposit your payment – again, change only – in our large vat of disinfectant, conveniently located on the curb.
For all you asking about Big Jim – he’s doing just fine. He’s got a minor fever, bit of a cough, and no sense of taste or smell whatsoever. A lot of pollen in the air these days!
Bobby Sugardaddy
March 30, 2020
We are deeply sorry to report that the Reno Board of Health has deemed our curbside seafood service unsanitary. Sugardaddy’s will be fully closed for the remainder of the coronavirus pandemic.
However, we are thrilled to inform you that Sugardaddy’s has moved to Zoom! Big Jim Sugardaddy will see all of you on the call. He’s conducting all business over Zoom due to his fourteen-day allergy quarantine.
Sign on to join ninety men and one woman for the conference call of your dreams.
Bobby Sugardaddy
