Tuna Sushi with Nouveau Wasabi
This tuna was scraped from the inside of a can we found in an abandoned grocery store that only had eighteen corpses in it. It’s been wrapped in flax seeds as we ran out of rice due to high demand. The wasabi paste is made from an oil-by-product recovered from a nearby tailing pond. This does not create the classic wasabi flavor, but we find it is an equally uncomfortable flavor that is on the cutting edge of nouveau cooking.
Beyond Meat Burger
Unlike before the Apocalypse, we no longer use carefully grown meat substitutes in our Beyond Meat Burger, but instead use droppings from the giant, mutated rabbit that lives outside of town and eats trees. It has been salted ever so slightly by the tears of an orphan who acts as our mascot.
Arugula Salad
A classic arugula salad with no dressing, cheese, fruit, or chicken due to lack of supply. (Chef’s note: we ran out of canned arugula three weeks ago and have been substituting in freshly picked seaweed from the dried-up ocean floor. For $1.99 extra we can pick the rotting fish parts off the seaweed.)
Gourmet Grilled Cheese
This has been made with what we are calling “literal head cheese.” We had a minimum wage employee pour powdered milk and water onto the mold growing out of the head of one of the corpses in the back alley. What was produced loosely resembles cheese and tastes about as good. (Please note: due to recent food inspector incidents the corpses are no longer kept in our kitchen and are in-fact stored under a tarp in the back alley.
Artisanal Pita
Our fresh take on the pita sandwich substitutes the pita for a tortilla made of ground beans. Additionally, instead of meat, cheese, and vegetables we used different kinds of canned beans. Lastly, in place of a Caesar or chipotle dressing, we have used the brown water from the bottom of a can of beans.
Speed-Smoked Salmon and Caviar
The salmon was speed-smoked in the recent nuclear blast. The now-green salmon is paired quite nicely with cockroach-egg caviar. The green salmon and black eggs match quite well, and please the eyes while the food only moderately upsets the stomach and bowels and throat.
