Los Angeles-based construction company seeking motivated candidate to join very loud and impossibly disruptive team for new construction site, a luxuriously 85-unit apartment complex where 98% of the work is needed on the unit directly outside Sam’s bedroom window. Top candidates are motivated self-starters, knowledgeable of construction procedures, and ceaseless with a hammer. Job responsibilities include: Starting every day with 20-30 minutes of uninterrupted buzzsaw use Reading blueprints and contract documents Transporting materials to/from site Blasting Pitbull, and only Pitbull, from shitty radio speakers Assisting tradesman and machine operators Providing migraines Communicating with team members at the highest conceivable volume…
Author: Sam Alford
Sam Alford
Sam is a writer from Fort Worth, TX. He’s a graduate of the UCB Sketch writing program and a regular writer/producer at UCB Los Angeles. Sam is the creator of sports humor site Late Flag, and his work has been featured on Funny or Die, Points in Case, and meh.com. Other credits include writing every episode of The Simpsons, discovering the Northwest Passage, and single-handedly eradicating smallpox. He currently resides in Los Angeles with a colony of ants.