Get rid of the cheerleaders. Studies show that women respond poorly to half-naked college girls bouncing around on the sidelines, citing “blatant sexism” as their number one concern. Instead, the half-naked college girls can just stand on the sidelines and smile. Boom, blatant sexism eradicated. Amend the rule on touchdown celebrations to state that all celebrations must be in the form of a Magic Mike routine. Magic Mike XXL grossed $167 million worldwide. That’s all the evidence we need that a 49-year-old woman from Wisconsin wants a tight end the same age as her son to gyrate in her face…
Author: Kristen Mulrooney
Kristen Mulrooney
Kristen Mulrooney has written things that some people laughed at for Razed and The Belladonna. She tweets infrequently @missmulrooney.