Give the dressage horses haircuts like polo horses Make her phone autocorrect “private helicopter” to “private velociraptor” Put her Holland Christian High School diploma in jello Leave a polar bear in her solarium Substitute Faygo soda for ginger ale in her Pimm’s Cup Put shaving cream on the Orlando Magic basketball team while they’re sleeping Create an awards show called The Richies, honoring straight, white people of considerable wealth who have done wonderful things for other straight, white people of considerable wealth. Give her a lifetime achievement award. Put Saran wrap over the door of whichever bathroom she prefers to…
Author: Kat Thek and Jade Shames
Kat Thek and Jade Shames
Kat Thek is head chef and chief detective at Troll Cakes Bakery & Detective Agency. Her other unusual businesses - Cat Hair Pills! Used Wax Strip Fortune Telling! Inedible Arrangements! Etc.! - are on katthek.com and Instagram @kat_thek. Jade Shames is a writer, musician, and game maker living in Brooklyn, NY. He was the grand prize winner of the 2013-2014 Fresh Voices screenplay competition, and his work can be found in a number of publications, including the anthology Scary Out There (Simon & Schuster). His short film The Backward Astronomer is currently screening at film festivals around the world, and his card game Side Effects is available for purchase at pillboxgames.com.