Although dead, I, Midge McDongle, voted twice to pass the SaveAmerica Act. If you can’t vote in November, you’re welcome. An iron lung, IV pump, and feeding tube kept my sacred right to vote alive several minutes longer than I was. Barron, my intrepid intern, glued my eyes open and pinned a bipartisan smile in place using toothpicks. A chorus of medical alarms announced my gurney’s arrival—marking the most dramatic chamber entrance since Dianne Feinstein. When the time came to cast the tie vote, Barron yanked marionette wires from the gallery. But he crossed the strings and tilted my ‘yea’…
Author: John Mara
John Mara
Pushcart Prize nominee, Best of the Net nominee, Best New England Crime Stories finalist. Multi-genre writer with 40+ publications. Funny enough to want a nom du farce.
Never File A Claim Welcome to GoodLuck, and congratulations on your fixer-upper. Chock-full of promise—somewhere under the dry rot. We’re insuring your property under one condition: never file a claim. Not for fire. Not for locusts. If a tractor-trailer redecorates your living room, tell guests it’s an intentional layout choice. As your agent—and the recipient of a 15% commission—I’m pleased to present the GoodLuck Declaration of Home Insurance. It’s a slab of legalese a hyper-caffeinated actuary wrote to keep your confusion current. Attempts to comprehend it have been linked to hair loss, worms, and ED. Ask our actuary. If you…