President Donald J. Trump 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW Washington, DC 20500 Dear President Trump, I voted for you because we both believe that chaos, not order, is the best way to move forward in any situation. The rule of law, the norms of polite society, and the laws of physics cannot restrain such as we! May your reign last a thousand years, Your Majesty! I’m sure you’ve heard the joke about the big boned fellow who, when he passed, posed a real puzzler for the undertaker, because he couldn’t make a coffin big enough for him. He solved the problem…
Author: Hermester Barrington
Hermester Barrington
Dr. Hermester Barrington retired from almost fifty years of working as an archivist at the Law Offices of Conger, Sheepstrap, and Bootwarble in 1978, and has since spent over four decades traveling the round earth's imagined corners with his impossibly beautiful wife Fayaway in search of bats in flight, Pterodactyl excrement, and evidence of the huge invisible protozoans which live in the troposphere surrounding us. His ficciones have most recently appeared in Fate Magazine, Little Old Lady Comedy, and Mythaxis. His next project, undertaken with Fayaway, is the creation of Eggo flavored edible undies.
Satan Ninth Circle of Hell SnakeSkin Lube, Inc 1101 S Ocean Blvd Palm Beach, FL 33480 Dear manufacturers of SnakeSkin Lube: First of all, I just want to say that I’m a big fan, a big fan!I’ve been using your products to soften my horny hands during my chicken choking sessions since that time I used it to celebrate my helping Adam and Eve awaken from their naivete a few thousand years ago, which has made life more interesting for their descendants ever since. I’ve got literally millions of followers—I’m there every time some thirteen year old boy spooges into…
Law Offices of Smith, Johnson, and Brown13011 Avenue of the StarsCentury City, CA 91376 CEASE AND DESIST DEMANDPursuant to Title 17 of the United States Code Law Offices of Smith, Brown, and Jones13011 Avenue of the StarsCentury City, CA 91376 Dear Mr. Smith, Mr. Brown, and Mr. Jones: It has come to the attention of our client, Mr. George Walton Lucas, Jr. (hereafter referred to as “the plaintiff”), that your client, Mr. George Walton Lucas, Jr. (hereafter referred to as “the defendant”), has infringed upon the copyright of the work of the plaintiff. Specifically, the defendant’s film American Graffiti (1974)…