INT. MILITARY BASE – MORNING
An out-of-breath SOLDIER runs up to a GENERAL.
SOLDIER
General, the nuclear blast testing awoke Godzilla.
GENERAL
Our worst fear has come to pass. Has he made it to land?
SOLDIER
Almost.
The Soldier holds back tears.
GENERAL
Yes. What is it?
SOLDIER
He brought his human girlfriend, Brielle
CLOSE-UP ON THE GENERAL.
The General looks terrified.
GENERAL
May humanity survive. And God have mercy on our souls.
The General looks at a giant screen that shows Godzilla coming out of the water onto the mainland. Brielle sits on top of Godzilla, wearing an oversized hoodie, sweatpants, and flip-flops. She is using her phone to shop on Temu. The vibe feels like they just had an argument.
* * *
EXT. COASTAL METROPOLITAN CITY – HOURS LATER
Godzilla is laying waste to an entire cityscape.
Citizens run away in fear as Godzilla flips over taxis, cars, and trailer trucks.
Godzilla pulls an entire elevated train off its tracks. He holds it in his hands, ready to throw it, and everyone inside, into a large office tower.
Passengers are SCREAMING.
Brielle stands on top of the roof of the office, making her level with Godzilla’s eyeline
BRIELLE
How am I supposed to get home?
A couple of people have stopped screaming in the subway car, now interested in seeing how this plays out.
GODZILLA
I thought you got a Lyft an hour ago.
BRIELLE
You told me to wait.
GODZILLA
I didn’t say that.
BRIELLE
You said to wait until you have leveled the city. I’m stranded.
GODZILLA
I told you an hour ago to get a Lyft.
BRIELLE
You said. But I think everyone who drives a Lyft has been burned to death.
GODZILLA
You are being so frustrating. Maybe we SHOULD take a break…
BRIELLE
Another empty threat. I’ve been talking to Mechagodzilla, and he said…
People on the street have stopped to listen but now back away uncomfortably.
GODZILLA
You’ve been talking to who?
Godzilla, angry, starts throwing the train around. Everyone is screaming again.
* * *
EXT. SKULL ISLAND – TWILIGHT
Godzilla and King Kong are in an epic battle.
Brielle stands nearby, unpacking new podcasting equipment from Amazon boxes. Godzilla notices.
GODZILLA
Where did you get the money for that?
BRIELLE
I bought it myself.
GODZILLA
Last month, you didn’t have half of your rent for the underwater nest.
BRIELLE
I told you that this is part of my new business. Mothra said they would be my first guest.
GODZILLA
When will you start being responsible? And I thought we weren’t going to use Amazon because of their labor ethics?
BRIELLE
Where was I going to get podcasting equipment TODAY???
King Kong slowly backs away, clearly uncomfortable.
* * *
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Godzilla is having drinks with his friends, MONA, JACK, and FRANK.
JACK
You can’t bring a plus-one.
GODZILLA
Are you joking? Frank says he is bringing the woman he has been dating for a month.
JACK
We just don’t have room for Brielle.
GODZILLA
You guys never liked her.
MONA
It’s not that.
FRANK
Well, you’re just not good together.
Silence.
GODZILLA
I’ll pay for her plate.
JACK
C’mon, man. Don’t do this.
GODZILLA
I’ll pay for her plate. And then it won’t be a problem. It won’t cost you a dime.
FRANK
She is toxic. You even had to bail her out of jail because she had driven a stolen e-scooter through the front window of a Build-a-Bear.
GODZILLA
She had every right to be mad. They wouldn’t let her stuff a bear with her grandma’s ashes.
MONA
She’s not nice to you.
GODZILLA
Okay. Right. Um…Mona, do you get to bring Devin to the wedding?
Mona turns away.
GODZILLA
She gets to bring her TODDLER, and I can’t bring my girlfriend of three years.
JACK
It’s getting late. We should all head out.
Pissed, Godzilla burns a hole in the ceiling with his fire breath. He leaps out of the hole into the night.
* * *
INT./EXT SUBURBAN HOME – NIGHT
Mona and Frank are having a party. Their living room is bustling with guests. Jack comes up to them.
JACK
Yesterday, I heard Godzilla leveled half of D.C.
FRANK
Yeah, and then Brielle called him, and he had to bail her out of jail again. She was mad they stopped serving breakfast chicken biscuits after 10 am, so she drove a stolen e-bike through the front window of a Chick-fil-A.
There is suddenly HUGE commotion outside.
GODZILLA
(O.S.)
SKREEONK. SKREEONK.
Jack gestures to the group to come over to the window.
On the front lawn, Brielle has taken out a pair of scissors and is cutting off all her hair. Godzilla is begging her to stop.
JACK
Goddamnit. He won’t learn his lesson. I told him to come alone.
RODAN walks up to the house, carrying a huge bag of Tostitos and a giant bowl of homemade guacamole.
Rodan sees Brielle cutting off her hair and Godzilla in tears. He slowly backs away, uncomfortable.
* * *
INT. MILITARY BASE
An out-of-breath SOLDIER runs up to a GENERAL.
SOLDIER
General, Godzilla is going back into the sea.
GENERAL
Thank god. Our laser worked! Bring him up on the monitor.
The monitor brings up a close-up of Godzilla. His Android phone rings. He looks at it; the caller is labeled as BRIELLE. DON’T PICK UP.
GENERAL
Don’t do it. Please. Please.
Godzilla hits the green talk button.
GENERAL
May Godzilla survive. And God have mercy on his soul.