It’s an important distinction. Here are 15 reasons why it definitively belongs to me.
- I’m a parent so I’ve earned the right to don this distinguished title.
- It says so on my puffy slippers.
- Momma’s slippers say Momma Bear so it would only make sense that I’m the obverse.
- Each morning, I get up early if for no other reason than to get up earlier than everyone else.
- I wear plaid when it’s cold. So not only am I Papa Bear, I’m a Mountain Man, too (only when it’s cold).
- When my daughter wants to watch Scooby, I’m provider of Scooby.
- If food is spicy at a restaurant, I will complain and proceed to eat it because I don’t care about the consequences.
- I have four fire-extinguishers around the house in the appearance of caution but really over-bought because I forgot we already had a two pack.
- After the toddler goes down for bedtime, it’s time to watch a series on Paramount + and fall asleep 7 minutes later.
- When stretching after sitting too long, I release a low-decibel animalistic refrain for no reason.
- I have a back scratcher with an end in the shape of a bear claw and will blissfully behave like Ursus Americanus when rubbing its back on a sequoia.
- I don’t go to the gym. I stay fit by being active around the house with frequent breaks of napping on couch.
- I have a belly but well-toned arms from working out in college over a decade ago and more recent toddler and diaper-bag lifting.
- When I see another Papa Bear with his child out in public, I give a subtle nod acknowledging that we’re part of a pedigreed and exclusive group of refined individuals whose experiences are marked by trial, many errors, and secretly snacking behind our child’s back to avoid sharing Cheetos for the umpteenth time that day.
- I don’t choose to be but the primal, protective, and regal beast inside of me wills itself outward and manifests, especially when its playtime and I have to mimic the gait and grunts of an actual bear.
