You can help us complete our latest tech innovation. A stunning new Death Star that will surely be the one that helps us conquer the galaxy without issue.
Attention all planets of the former Galactic Republic, I represent the First Galactic Empire in this request for militaristic aid against the insurrectionist scum that have taken to calling themselves the Rebel Alliance. In case you have not received the transmissions, the interplanetary terrorists have once again blown up our space station super weapon commonly referred to as the “Death Star.” Therefore, we are looking to crowdfund enough credits to once again build a new Death Star.
We are aware that this is the third time that the rebels have obliterated our Death Star, and it is normal to want to know what will be different about the next Death Star to prevent another attack and likely explosion. The best answer I can offer at this early stage in development is that this time we are very serious about it. We plan to make it bigger than any previous Death Star. This will, of course, mean it will be our most expensive project to date, but we do plan to recirculate those funds back into our booming galactic economy. This “Big Death Star” (working title) will create the most job opportunities of any Death Star yet, and with every staff member of the last one vaporized in the explosion, there’s never been a better time to be entering the stormtrooper workforce.
It is imperative that all of our planets come together during this time to show our galactic unity and there is no better way to do that than to join forces in funding our planet crushing super weapon. Plus, we will need a little extra from everyone to make up for the lack of funds we will be receiving from Alderaan. Speaking of, It sure would be a shame if we were to have to build our Death Star without your planet’s help. After all, it will have to be tested.