Another week another apocalyptic burst of hysteria from the leading nepo baby of Krypton, Jor-El. The chief scientist of Krypton is out with his latest doomsday prediction. This time, he alleges the little earthquake rumbles are at a “critical mass” and threatens all of life on Krypton. This missive is just another over the top rhetoric from climate cowards trying to frighten the hard working people of Krypton.
Jor-El insists that his peer reviewed scientific research demonstrates something about radioactivity and earthquakes blah blah, science science science. It’s very long and has too many footnotes. But rest assured its just nerd speak. The truth is, Jor-El and his environmental ninnies are using that type of rhetoric to scare you.
Jor-El and Big Science want us to abandon our homeland. To literally pack up and move everyone from Krypton just because the science says our planet is going to explode and everything will be destroyed.
Just think of the immense cost to Krypton taxpayers this fantastical proposal would entail? Some conservative estimates put the price tag at least $93.4 trillion. Please note, that is a weirdly specific projection because a round number would sound like I’m just making it up.
The reality is the job killing taxes to fund this frivolous charade would make life on Krypton even more unaffordable than it already is. Have you seen the price of eggs lately? The economic consequences would be staggering and destroy thousands of good paying manufacturing jobs in the earthquake drilling sector. The real threat to Krypton isn’t from these earthquakes and core explosion, Its the implosion of our planet’s GDP and lost economic trade opportunities through this radical science experiment to desert our homeland.
Honestly, do you really want big government bureaucrats taking over and telling you where to live? Next they’ll be telling us we can’t eat hamburgers, use plastic straws, cook on gas stoves, or use incandescent light bulbs. Pretty soon we’ll all have to drive solar powered rocket ships.
Jor-El is nothing more than an eco General Zod. Manufacturing a crisis so he can ruthlessly seize power. I’m not a scientist but I know the real Phantom Zone is whatever environmental calamity Jor-El and the Science Council dorks are projecting. Recently released emails from the Science Council actually suggest a conspiracy among the scientific community. That is something the elected government of Krypton should be investigating.
The harsh truth is that scientists like Jor-El are using the earthquakes to shake loose more government grants and other funding. It’s good for their bank accounts to have some environmental catastrophe to hype up. To funnel more tax dollars into their pockets to fund some frivolous research study and fatten their budgets.
We at the Center for Nuclear Tremors (CNT) have conducted our own studies that show there is no imminent threat to Krypton. The earthquakes and geiger readings are all quite normal cyclical episodes. These natural occurring events are nothing to be worried about. Earthquakes like this have regularly occurred in periods throughout Krypton’s history.
While nobody enjoys radioactive earthquakes, we don’t really know what’s causing them or if it is in fact dangerous at all. Despite what Jor-El would tell you, there is no scientific consensus that extreme events are caused by earthquakes. A lot of the models are speculative at best. Some show glaciers increasing in size and seismograph levels variance within a standard margin of error. We simply don’t have the answers and must continue to study the issue considering all possible explanations and causes.
The good people of Krypton are resilient. We’re adaptable. We’re men of steel. Even if there was a proven climate emergency, the people, animals, and plants of Krypton will adapt and be okay. It’s in our DNA. In fact, it might even be good for us to unite as a people and stand up to the chicken little science community. So reject the fear mongering from the scientists and be secure in the knowledge that the future of Krypton has never been brighter.
Wirth Sawan, Chairman of the Center for Nuclear Tremors
