Like just about everyone else on the planet, I was utterly captivated this summer by Top Gun: Maverick, the thrilling sequel to the 1986 film starring Tom Cruise.
So when the movie finally began streaming on Paramount+ earlier this month, you better believe I threw that puppy on faster than Captain Pete Mitchell hitting Mach 10. And trust me, I’m completely aware of how this film could be seen as an effective recruiting tool for the military, what with the glorification of service and the overall good vibes emanating from destroying a faceless rogue state while seemingly skirting around many international laws.
That being said, none of that diminished my enjoyment of the film, and while I wholeheartedly disagree with the notion that this film is just empty “propaganda,” I do want to let everyone know I have decided to enlist myself in the Sea Organization.
As you may know, Sea Org is a paramilitary organization within the religion of Scientology, comprised of only the most dedicated members. And I can assure you, after seeing what Tom Cruise was able to pull off in Top Gun: Maverick, I am now entirely devoted to the cause.
Much like Maverick and his band of young fighter pilots, I look forward to riding the ocean waves aboard one of Sea Org’s glorious vessels, doing whatever it is this organization does at sea. To be honest, I haven’t really looked much further into the whole thing, but I’ve got plenty of time to learn after signing that billion-year contract. Are we preparing for the potential return of Xenu, the one-time ruler of the Galactic Confederacy who was eventually overthrown by the Loyal Officers? Maybe! Regardless, the prospect of joining a space navy was just too good to pass up, and I have Top Gun: Maverick to thank for finally opening my eyes.
This might be the last you hear from me for a while, though – I’m not sure there will be WiFi in my berthing, and if it’s true that I’ll be working somewhere around 100 hours a week in the form of grueling physical labor, I’m not sure I’ll have time for much else, except for keeping my mind entirely focused on preventing another tyrannical regime within the Galactic Confederacy. Just know I’m having the time of my life!
In a way, I feel just like Captain Pete “Maverick” Mitchell, being part of a group that is the best of the best, pushing the limits, and protecting this galaxy from all threats across both time and space.
Looks like I have to go! Turns out, I’m forbidden from discussing any of this, and a few members of the Rehabilitation Project Force are at my door, ready to take me to an unventilated, roach-infested cargo hold aboard the Freewinds, where I’ll experience seemingly endless torture and degrading acts of service until I once again meet the church’s expectations.
So long for now – adventure awaits!