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    Home»All Content»The Hub»Articles»Life»12 Decorating Tips for a Warm and Welcoming Paramilitary Bunker
    Life

    12 Decorating Tips for a Warm and Welcoming Paramilitary Bunker

    Amanda NowotnyBy Amanda NowotnyJanuary 26, 2017Updated:December 28, 2022No Comments2 Mins Read
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    Paramilitary Bunker

    1. Sort your canned goods by size and color to create visual interest.

    2. Store your ammunition in decorative boxes. Materials like distressed wood and hammered metal are so apocalypse-chic.

    3. Hang your mylar space blankets on the wall. Not only will you save valuable storage space for kerosene cans, but the reflective surfaces will make your 12’ x 15’ windowless room feel bigger.

    4. Don’t forget about outdoor spaces! Spice up your boring old “TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT ON SIGHT” signs by printing them in an unexpected font (we love Copperplate for its commanding yet sophisticated vibe).

    5. Guests coming over to plot the revolution? Simply toss throw pillows on top of your five-gallon MRE buckets and – presto! – that year’s supply of food now pulls double duty as stylish extra seating.

    6. Tight quarters? Create room dividers by hanging “Don’t Tread on Me” flags on clotheslines. Now you have privacy and a constant reminder of the injustice inflicted by big government!

    7. Create a gallery wall of your favorite art. Anchor it with a life-size portrait of the patriot Ammon Bundy.

    8. Knit gun cozies for your AR-15s.

    9. Handmade crafts add a personal touch. A cross-stitched Oath Keepers insignia and scrapbook of your plans to eradicate the New World Order are a must!

    10. To make the most efficient use of your space, look for multi-functional pieces. The hollowed-out carcass of your neighbor’s cow is not only a great conversation piece – it’s also a valuable food source and toasty warm sleeping bag!

    11. Be sure to put out a welcome mat for the government pigs who come to take your guns. Look for one with a fun message such as, “COME AND GET ‘EM, YOU SOCIALIST CUCKS”.

    12. Create a vision board of the liberals and Muslims you plan to subjugate in the name of defeating tyranny. Living your best life means never losing sight of your dreams!

    Amanda Nowotny apocalypse
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    Amanda Nowotny

    Amanda Nowotny is a comedy writer, lapsed improviser, and professional nerd residing in western Pennsylvania. She has studied sketch writing and improv at Arcade Comedy Theater in Pittsburgh and satire with The Second City. Her work has previously been featured on the Arcade stage, the Second City Network, and her mom's Facebook page. When not trying to cobble together funny words to post on the Internet, Amanda works as a private tutor and test prep instructor. Witness her occasionally form coherent Twitter thoughts on food, booze, politics, and the chihuahuas who own her at @PrincessSnarkle.

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