Running out of time to cause a little mischief in the nursing home before you head out for good? Not to worry you old geezer, here’s a list of pranks you have to do before you kick the bucket!
1. Turn the Noise All the Way Down When Jeopardy! Is On
No, it’s not your hearing aids, Dolores. Turn up your prank game by turning the typically blaring sound of Jeopardy! all the way down to really freak the other residents out in the activities lounge after the third-graders singing show tunes leave.
2. Put Your Enemy’s Dentures in a Jell-O Mold
Want a prank with a little bite to it? How about no bite at all? Say hello to a Jell-O prank by putting the worst person in the retirement home’s dentures in a Jell-O mold – after you finish your own Jell-O snack, of course.
3. Replace All the Money Under Your Roommate’s Mattress With Monopoly Money
Sure, the banks always have a chance to fail, but this prank sure won’t! Put on your top hat and monocle and use your last working muscle to lift up the mattress to replace all your roommate’s cash with Monopoly money. Don’t worry, you’re too old to go to jail!
4. Decorate Gus’s Cane With Streamers
Everybody knows resident Grumpy Gus who wears his “veteran” ballcap 24/7 would literally die if he was emasculated in any way. Steal Gus’s walking stick in the middle of the night and bedazzle it with streamers, glitter, and stickers! Gus got through Vietnam, but this will surely ruffle his feathers!
5. Start a Food Fight in the Cafeteria
Let’s be honest, this is something you’ve always wanted to try but never could because you lived through the Great Depression and never wasted food. And, the cafeteria food sucks anyway, right? Note: Do not do this on meatloaf day. Trish the cook is a miracle worker on meatloaf day.
6. Stay Up (or Sneak Out) Past 5 PM
Want to get really wild? Cause some trouble and stay up past curfew by leaving the retirement home at 5 PM. They’ll find you at the closest bingo hall, but it’s still something that will get your heart rate up.
7. Play Dead
You really want to spook the night nurse? Give them a preview of what’s to come and play dead. Be convincing enough where they start to call the morgue before you pop up and scare them.
8. Plan for Everyone to Push Their Life Alert at the Same Time
This one takes some group planning ahead of time, so make sure you huddle with everyone before they rush out to catch a Price is Right rerun after pudding dessert. Choose an agreed-upon day and time where everyone pushes their Life Alert buttons, and then sit back on your stretcher and enjoy the hilarity of 40 ambulances showing up to the home at once.
9. Fill the Hall With Blown-Up Helium Condoms
The home is always handing out free condoms even though everyone knows we all boink raw anyway, so why not put them to actual use? Considering Frances couldn’t even blow out her lone birthday candle last month, you may have to invest in a helium machine. Tap Darlene to get her son Ted to provide one because he still feels guilty for putting her in a home in the first place.
10. Plan a Senior Walk-out
The nurses and activities director will never see this coming. Right before Family Feud comes on, the entire resident body will tie their walkers together with their IV cords and walk out the front doors of the nursing home, together. Here’s to the Tombstone Class of 2022!