Hello wealthy animal lovers! If you are reading this, then I already know you have a huge heart and are a major dog enthusiast just like me! I also assume you’re way more likely to help save a quirky dog than a boring old human.
Which is good, because I have a dog. He is my other half and such a loyal companion. Unfortunately, this adorable ball of fur had a small, non-fatal accident. That is why I am humbly asking that you help me afford surgery for my awesome canine, Michael Harper.
No one with a soul can sit idly by while a little pooch like Michael Harper is in pain. His leg was broken and, in a tragic show of apathy, his insurance is refusing coverage because it happened during a wicked four-wheeler jump gone wrong.
Doctors say he will need extensive surgeries if he ever wants to walk correctly or play in his intramural kickball league again. Have I mentioned that he’s a rescue? I adopted Michael from the pound on Christmas Eve eight years ago, right before he was to be put down on Christmas day.
I’m sure a ton of you are wondering “what kind of dog name is Michael Harper?” Well, long story short is that it’s just one of the classic dog names, like Rex or Hooch. Longer story is that the money raised here can’t be attributed to a nickname or just “Michael.” It has to be clearly linked to the full name Michael Harper to be valid. I am trying to make sure all the legality stuff is completely covered so that I don’t end up losing the money raised here and then have to pay way more money than I currently have… you know, for his dog surgery.
Hey! Did I tell you that even with his guaranteed Christmas death looming, I feel like he’s actually the one that saved me?
I’m sure a ton of you are also wondering ”what kind of dog is Michael Harper?” Well, that’s an easy one. He’s a good boy, of course! I know I haven’t posted a single picture of Michael, but that’s just because he’s shy and doesn’t like flash photography. Rest assured, though, he loves to give high-fives, roll over, and use the bathroom outside. He’s covered in fur and wags his appendage all the time. He has even rescued lots of smaller, adorable animals from ponds and lakes in incredibly heartwarming displays of heroism just like you’ve seen in many hit viral videos.
Sure would be a shame if he died because you didn’t help him.
Lastly, I wanted to briefly address that a recent campaign on this website was also trying to raise enough funds to cover a leg surgery for a “Michael Harper.” I am unfamiliar with this posting, as the timing and name are completely coincidental. That said, from what I have gathered, I can say that the fundraising campaign appears to have been for a “man” named Michael Harper. It also appears that it failed miserably with almost no one contributing. This one is for a lovable pup! No one can bear the thought of this cute doggie going one more minute in excruciating pain, unlike that other guy. Apparently, he can rot for all we care.
So please, send money to help save my dog, and keep in mind that by doing so, you’re really saving me.
(That last line may be presented to legal counsel out of context and is legally binding to all parties.)