Hello from the Planned Parenthood of Greater Cleveland! It’s time to mark your calendars because we will be having a BLOWOUT day-after-Thanksgiving sale on all of our abortions. Yes, that’s right folks, with the most conservative Supreme Court ever set to hear challenges to Roe v. Wade this fall and winter, we won’t be in business much longer!
This is an absolute CLEARANCE sale! Before we clear out our clinics, let us do what we’ve done best for nearly fifty years – safely and non-judgmentally clear out your unwanted pregnancy. But this time for a deep discount!!!
This Black Friday only, all abortions will be 2 for 1! That’s right, this is a BOGO sale! Bring a friend and get your uteri scraped side by side. If you don’t have a pregnant friend, don’t worry. Use coupon code CONEYBARRETT21 for 15% off one abortion.
Heck, we’ll even throw in some angry conservative protestors outside the clinic absolutely free. After all, it wouldn’t be an American abortion without them!
This is an inventory-wide sale on ALL of our abortions!!! We’ve got your medical pill abortion, your surgical abortion, your D&C, your first trimester, your second trimester. (But please don’t ask us if we carry the “partial birth abortion.” For the LAST time – that one never existed.)
We will not be able to keep these entirely safe and legal procedures available for much longer, folks! So come on down and get ’em while you can still get one from a competent, well-trained medical professional (and not some back-alley quack)!
These deals are HUGE! So if you don’t want to be HUGE too in nine months (or you’re just not in a position to raise a child right now) then get yourself to our clinic on November 26th!
We recommend arriving early (like 2 a.m. early). The doors to the clinic will open at 9 a.m. It’s gonna be a cold night, so bring a warm jacket. And don’t forget your earplugs to drown out that mob of protestors!
We are located next to the Chili’s off of I-90. Don’t delay – this time next year we will be a Chick-fil-A.
Remember, these deals won’t last, and neither will your constitutional rights!
If you miss getting your abortion in person on Black Friday, just wait ’til you see our Cyber Monday deal – a whopping 40% off a home abortion kit! (Results not guaranteed. Void where prohibited.)
