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    Home»All Content»The Hub»Articles»Life»Capitalism»Our Favorite Amazon Prime Day Traditions
    Capitalism

    Our Favorite Amazon Prime Day Traditions

    Emily Kapp and Daniel StillmanBy Emily Kapp and Daniel StillmanJuly 16, 2024No Comments4 Mins Read
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    Amazon Prime delivery trucks

    Surprising Your Family by Coming Home for Prime Day: Even though you may already be home because it’s the middle of the week, there is something special about opening the door on Prime Day Eve and surprising your family while you celebrate the unbelievable deals to be found on Amazon together. 

    Donating Your Trashed Amazon Purchases to Those in Need: It’s the two-day season of giving and that means donating to those who don’t have it as good as we do. It’s beautiful to think that all of your now-broken Amazon Basics appliances and your chemical-filled Amazon clothing that started to make you break out in hives will be donated to those truly in need: those without a Prime account.

    Going to an Amazon Fulfillment Center and Sitting On One of the Workers’ Laps and Saying What You Want for Prime Day: For children, one of the most magical times of year is when they get to go to the warehouse, sit on the lap of an Amazon worker named Dennis on his unpaid lunch break, and tell him what they want more than anything for Prime Day. And don’t forget to bring the whole family to get your photo taken with Dennis for your Prime cards to send out to family and loved ones!

    Driving Around the Neighborhood and Seeing Everyone’s Package Piles: Especially in the gated, rich neighborhoods, some houses go all out for their Amazon Prime Day decorations! Don’t forget to drive around and be in awe of all of the unique shapes of package piles on their front porches.

    Listening to Carols of the Amazon Workers and a Neighbor Fighting Over a Double-Parked Truck on the Street: The sounds of Amazon Prime Day can tickle the ears, and it’s important to not miss the annual tradition of your HOA president Linda getting into a screaming match with your favorite Amazon delivery driver about blocking traffic on the street.

    Watching Classic Amazon Prime Day Films With the Family: Nothing will get you in the Amazon Prime spirit more than curling up and watching Amazon Prime Day classic films like your Ring camera footage of someone stealing your package last Valentine’s Day, your Ring camera footage of someone stealing your package last Christmas, and Elf.

    Making Packing Peanut Angels: The nostalgia will come rushing back as you spread your wings out on the lawn. Never grow up when you throw the excessive packing peanuts and make your angels in the middle of a humid July afternoon.

    Praying to St. Prime Thanking Them for the Miracle Of Two-Day Free Shipping: Before the saint existed, not one company could have performed the unbelievable miracle of getting something you don’t need shipped to you in two days for only $199 a year.

    Having a Big Family Meal of Leftover Delivery Driver Snacks on Amazon Prime Day Eve: Amazon Prime Day is all about sustainability with family, so no need to throw away the unclaimed snacks you left out for delivery drivers! When you gather around the table with loved ones to devour a scrumptious meal of a lukewarm water bottle and a 4 oz. packet of Cheez-Its, St. Prime is sure to be smiling down on you.

    Waiting All Night to Hear the Packages Get Thrown Over Your Fence Recklessly: Arguably more magical than the jingle of sleigh bells, the sound of a cardboard box getting thrown over your fence breaking the gift you wanted on impact is pure Prime Day wonderment. 

    Leaving Out Bottles of Pee for Jeff Bezos on Prime Day Eve: Truck drivers aren’t the only ones who get to participate in the fun of having no bathroom breaks. Prime Day believers pee in their own water bottles to leave it out for Bezos the night before the big day. 

    Watching the Amazon Delivery Truck Tracker: Did it leave the facility? Is it on the way? Did it make it to your destination at all? How does Jeff Bezos do it all in one day? It’s the annual thrill that Prime Day believers have watching the Amazon Delivery Truck Tracker fly through your neighborhood to see if the package will ever reach your home.

    Wake Up At Sunrise to Run Outside and Open the Boxes With the Thieves: The holiday unifies people from all walks of life, and it’s always so exciting getting to rip open the boxes as fast as you can in your matching Prime Day onesies with the thieves in the midst of stealing your packages.

    Amazon Daniel Stillman Emily Kapp
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    Emily Kapp and Daniel Stillman

    Daniel Stillman is a Chicago-based humor writer who has appeared in Robot Butt, Flexx Mag, Funny-ish, Little Old Lady Comedy, and Weekly Humorist. Emily Kapp is a comedy writer based in Chicago. You can read more of her work at emilykapp.journoportfolio.com.

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