I’ve had it with this war. The fighting, the violence — enough already! We’ve got enough on our hands with the all-out holy war brewing right on our shores. Not to state the obvious, but I’m talking about the War on Christmas.
The woke army and their neutered reindeer are at it again. It’s like you can’t even sing “Silent Night” without being attacked by groomers trying to turn our Christmas trees into a transgender. When all’s not quiet on the western front, I have zero hoots left to give.
They bombed the hospital. No, they bombed the hospital, make up your mind, media! I’ve got properly gendered gingerbread men to bake. And those histories. Ugh so tangly! I’ve got enough on my hands unraveling this strand of Christmas lights.
How am I supposed to hold headspace for hostages when our very own traditions are being forcibly replaced by — I can’t believe I’m typing these words — a GAY TRANS NUTCRACKER. Imagine having your way of life suddenly colonized by a corporation that just rolls right and tells you to make your chimney wheelchair accessible. I’m sorry that African American gentleman is handicapped but, yes Virginia. Santa is still white. I’m beginning to believe that “TARGET” symbolizes the mark they’ve placed on the back of Christians.
But mark my words. From sea to shining sea one day Christians will be free. Free to say Merry Christmas again. Free from the poison arrows of inclusivity. Free from gays cracking their nuts anywhere near my little drummer boy.
Look, I know we Christians are supposed to support Zionism. A fully realized Jewish state will fulfill the prophecy that commences the Rapture and brings HIM home. Not to mention, sends those whoremongers, sorcerers and AOC hopefully, to “the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone, as stated in Revelations 21:8. But between you and me, I’m just not over what those Jews did to my Jesus. Can’t their homeland be on Mars or something?
While we’re sharing, I don’t much care for the other side either with their head scarfs looking like The Virgin Mary in a Christmas pageant. I mean, hello? Isn’t that appropriation?
And don’t laugh but, I thought “Ham-mas” was when you have the church girlies over for sparkling cider and Christmas ham. I was like yes Hamas! I love Hamas! Hamas at my house this year! Happy Hamas! Guess you can’t say that anymore either.
Somedays I feel like the baby Jesus on the cross. Somedays I wonder if this whole conflict was manufactured by the gay-feminist media to weaken our resolve . Somedays I wonder if white phosphorus is just another weapon of mass distraction invented by the media’s dark forces to disrupt my sweet dreams of a White Christmas.
Far be it from me to speak for The Heavenly Father — but perhaps those two little nations could solve their bickering by accepting Christ as their Lord and Savior. All things are possible through HIM — the one true god and pronoun. You wonder why those diplomats haven’t thought of that!
Then let this be my Christmas wish: Lay down your Torahs and Qurans and join the Lord’s Army. Bring that fighting spirit stateside and help us lay that woke army to bed and march back to a time when snowmen were men. What do you people say? We’ll have hot chocolate, peace on Earth and I can go to Starbucks again. We wouldn’t even need that many human shields.
I do have empathy for those poor Middle Eastern children. On both sides. Have their brown little eyes ever seen the beauty of a white Christmas? I’ll never forget the December we spent at my grandparents in Florida. It just wasn’t the same. I know exactly how they feel.