To: Editor of the Mansfield Herald-Journal
From: Margaret P. Stintson, Curator of European Art, Mansfield Art Museum
Dear Editor:
I write to enlist your readers’ support for a ban on using the verb “curate,” in any of its forms, to refer to actions other than those performed by actual curators at actual museums. In particular, the following instances of the hijacked term have recently come to my attention. I’m sure you and your readers will agree that these examples are egregious.
–“Ours is a curated collection”: Overheard at Main Street Thrift and Gift when a customer asked a salesperson why a used pair of men’s underwear from 1962 was priced at $20.00. The salesperson continued, “The Salvation Army doesn’t know curating from bell ringing. Their old men’s underwear goes for 50 cents a pair, but have you seen the stains? We only choose stains inspired by Jackson Pollock.”
–“When we remodeled, we also curated the menu”: Said to a relative at a local Italian restaurant that had replaced posters of mafia films with posters of all the popes named Leo. In the past, my relative had enjoyed the veal parmesan, but that dish has been replaced by “Pasta Pagliacci with a light yet persistent sauce of organically peeled Sardinian tomatoes caressed with a sliver of authentically aged pecorini and a whisper of truffles found in a mason jar in the “cave” of the Chateau Doudou.”
–“We’ve curated away the books that may encourage young children to deconstruct their gender identity, including that one.” Said by a library staffer to a mother who took her four-year-old to the Library of Congress Children’s Reading Room in search of a copy of Harold and the Purple Crayon. “We all know what ‘purple crayon’ is code for.”
–“Due to federal restrictions, we have curated away all references to African Americans. Feel free to enjoy our Macke machines, which offer a range of processed meat sandwiches and pint-sized whole milk. The machines are all that remains in our museum space”: Curator of History, National Museum of African American History.
–“I can curate your vital organs too, but will probably need to leave your heart in, unattractive as it is”: Overheard in a doctor’s office in the Mansfield Plastic Surgery Complex. “But with those ugly-ass kidneys gone, you’ll feel more inspired, even more mindful.
–“The city of Mansfield announces a curation of the H2O that pours out of your spigots. We have removed fluoride, a nefarious toxin according to Chief of Police Captain Ripper, and replaced it with Gwyneth Paltrow’s favorite clean scent for one-night stands, I’m Gooped, How about You?”: Recent e-mail from City Hall.
Please note that this list is not meant to be exhaustive.