We’ve all been there – you want to tickle your new die-hard dude with a treat he’ll love. But he’s gaming most of the time, so you haven’t gotten a good read on what will sweep him off the couch, and subsequently his feet.
Fear not! If he’s been gaming, he’s also been leaving a digital trail of clues for how to make his dualshock rumble.
Socializers
Do you sometimes find him on his headset swapping opinions on memes with preteen boys? Are there days when he talks to NPCs more than he talks to you? Does he take to Twitch to let the internet know how hype your nooky was last night?
In that case, your studly socializer will swoon when you shower him with words of affirmation. Help him get an idea of what’s on the menu by holding up rectangular flashcards printed with different phrases you’re willing to say. Or affect his mass by bringing a Mass Effect companion into your lovemaking.
Explorers
Maybe when you first met him you thought he was a department store elf, but it turned out he was LARPing. Are fantasy outings in Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild one of the best ways to turn his sword skyward?
If this sounds familiar, your adventuresome admirer will value quality time over other kinds of affection. Make a long rainy afternoon into his cup of tea by challenging him to find your “easter egg.”
Achievers
Do you feel like your steadfast suitor has more digital suits of armor than clothing items in the real world? Have you ever been piqued when your playful paramour watches adult videos in Yakuza 0, just to find the only thing he’s thirsting for is a trophy?
It sounds like your ambitious beloved is an achiever. He’ll be truly tickled if, after each new relationship milestone, you present him with a small children’s taekwondo trophy. And when you give him the go-ahead to splurge on Nintendo World Championships 1990, he’ll be sure to stay in the sack until you reach 100% completion!
Killers
Do you often find your gallant gamer wrestling, throat punching, and Nutcracker-choking late into the night, long after you wish he’d turn off the TV and Krav your Maga?
Your conniving killer clearly craves physical touch. Give him a sexy wakeup surprise by strapping on a pair of truck nuts and tea-bagging him into the new day. And make sure you nickname your coochie n00b so he’ll always want to pwn it.
1 Comment
What love language and/or gamer genre did we miss? Speed-runners? Glitch abusers? Those sickos that are okay with starting over every time they die in a rogue-like? All sound like boyfriend material to me.