Dianne Feinstein praises Lindsey Graham: “I just want to thank you. This has been one of the best set of hearings that I’ve participated in,” she tells him. “Thank you so much for your leadership.“
Looking around at this cracked, desolate wasteland that once flourished with life and beauty, I find myself reflecting on a lot. And the thing that’s most pressing is, to me, even more so than recovering from all this senseless devastation, is that we be very nice to the murderous king and his pack of hyenas that have taken over and caused this entire nightmare.
I realize times are unusual here at Pride Rock. Our benevolent leader Mufasa died in a very fishy wildebeest stampede. Scar took over and seems unusually chipper for someone whose older brother just died. And these hyenas have begun literally and metaphorically ripping the last shreds of meat from our old way of life.
And to all of them, I’d like to say: thank all of you very much for your excellent leadership.
I know a lot of you out there are very angry at what Scar and the hyenas have done to our Pride Lands. It’s clear that they don’t give a meerkat’s poo about the well-being of any of you and only care about maintaining power. They even extrajudicially jailed their political adversary, Zazu, simply because he was Mufasa’s closest advisor. Yes, all of this is highly abnormal and is against everything we’ve ever stood for at Pride Rock.
However, I think the hyenas laugh real funny, and that has to count for something, right? I think we should all applaud them for the little bit of destruction they haven’t caused. Let’s bake them an alligator pie!
It’s important, especially in bleak and dire times like these, that we rise to the occasion and do what’s right. And a lot of you are probably thinking doing what’s right must mean holding Scar and the hyenas accountable. Well, you’d be wrong. What we need to do is be very super-duper polite. Civility always works in the face of tyranny. Right? I think we should pick the clumps out of their matted fur and help them pick the shreds of democracy out of their teeth. I’m sure if we are really nice to Scar, he’ll be really nice back to us, yes?
And he definitely won’t try killing the rightful king if Simba were to ever return!
I get everyone’s concerns. We’re all wondering if there will be clean water in the drinking pond. You want to know that if you get a thorn in your paw, you’ll be able to afford to get it out. That it’s a lioness’ decision when she does or doesn’t have a litter of cubs. And yes, all of this is in grave jeopardy.
Which is why I think we need to reach across the ravine and remember: just because they are a pack of hideous, nocturnal scavengers doesn’t mean they aren’t animals just like you and me. Sure, have they obliterated our way of life all in support of a murderous dictator? Yes. Do their seedy yellow eyes betray the evil in their hearts? Also yes.
But in the words of a very wise meerkat I once met: Hakuna Matata.
