No matter what state the economy is in, someone out there always needs cash, and that someone is always me.
Please, don’t tell me to get my GED or learn English as a second language or go to trucking school. Yeah, the people at the unemployment office already tried that to unload me. I have two college degrees, already know English, and I’m lucky if I can back up my Buick without plowing over a curb. (That’s why I take two parking spaces, to protect your cars… and my insurance rates.)
The truth is, I’m a college grad who’s always been paid like I’m a kindergarten dropout, and now I’m a freelance writer/online ambulance chaser/reseller/product tester/blogger pulling down an impressive $15K a year or so.
Which leads me to my tried and true tricks to survive the economy:
Start Your Own Business. Then Start Five More – You’re Going to Need Them.
Yes, I know, it looks like so much fun on Shark Tank. Or those pop-up ads you keep seeing promising to reveal EXCITING WAYS TO MAKE MONEY FROM HOME have caught your eye. Being your own boss sounds cool.
Until you remember you have to pay yourself, and that requires that you actually make money.
I admire anyone who starts their own business, but realistically, most people don’t get on Shark Tank or make very much money. So if you’re going to start one, be sure to start, like five or six more so you can pool the income and maybe make a dent in those bills piling up. It’s like having a bunch of kids because you know you’re going to screw up some of them, but maybe one will turn out all right? Except don’t have kids, they cost a fortune. I can’t even afford myself.
Your side hustle should have a side hustle. Delivering pizzas? Can you deliver for the local cannabis dispensary too? Guessing it won’t take any extra gas money.
Freelance Jobs Aren’t the Answer to Financial Freedom, But You Can Make a Few Bucks.
I’ve been doing freelance work since 2015. Every year rates get lower and clients want more for the money. I frequently get offers for stuff like this:
“I want the highest quality writing, no grammar mitsakes aloud. Content must be one thousand percent original and written backwards in pig Latin. It should perfectly speak to my target audience, who I’ve done no research on whatsoever. For this I am willing to pay $10 for every 10,000 words.”
Or this:
“I need someone to edit my new novel, Hot Balls of Fire, a romantic comedy about devil worship, quilting, child abuse, poetry, and penguins on sex swings. I can only pay you ten dollars for the entire 500,000-word manuscript. However, when it’s a bigger hit than Harry Potter, I will share .00000001 percent of the royalties with you.”
Write That Novel.
But only if you need a hobby. Most authors make less than $10K a year. Many of us make considerably less.
Actually, I’d be thrilled to make $10K a year off my books. So far I haven’t made enough money to pay a freelancer to edit my next book at the going rate of $10/5,000,000 words.
The Market Is Always Changing, and You Must Change With It.
I suggest changing out of your underwear and selling them online to the highest bidder (DON’T WASH THEM), because this is a market that never seems to fizzle out.
I’ve been selling on auction sites for years. I never made what I’d call a living at it, but the last several years, the bottom has really fallen out of the market. I used to sell mostly new bras in large sizes. A few years back, I could go to a clearance sale, buy a particular bra for $5, and resell it for $20-25. Even with free shipping and Feebay fees, I still made $10-15 profit easily. Now? Buyers’ boobs continue to sag, and so do my profits, because no one wants to pay more than $5 (WITH FREE SHIPPING) for a damn bra.
But, there is one used market on reselling sites that’s still going strong: The used shoe market. I don’t mean used shoes still in good condition that someone might want to wear. I mean the trashed shoes you would otherwise throw out.
Why would anyone want those? Well, some people have fetishes, and I don’t judge. Especially when there’s money in it for me!
I recently sold a pair of shoes I would have otherwise thrown out. I’d worn them around the house until there were holes in the soles. Well, I can’t get ten bucks for a new pair of shoes, but I got thirty for these.
But the questions I got within five minutes of listing were… well, interesting. Probably the standout was, “Do these smell like corn chips or more vinegary?”
I… whose feet smell like vinegar? I ultimately decided, after getting half a foot away from the shoes, that the smell probably most closely resembled corn chips, so I went with that.
Another guy wanted me to throw in some tights… that I wore while “having some fun.” Well… if I charge extra it’s like getting paid to masturbate, right? But no way am I throwing that in for free. If I get another question like that in the future, I’m telling them $70 for the whole package. Or should I charge $100? What do you think?
Find a Niche Market You Can Cater To.
There are all sorts of niches in the used panty business. You can probably find someone who gets off on a literal reenactment of that “I shipped my pants” ad. But I think that would be a little too messy to deal with, so I had another idea. For buyers in the Washington, D.C. area, I’ll offer a used pair of panties with a side of golden showers… for an extra $100 and a promise to stop voting for more wealth inequality.
