In our morning lessons, you will practice your motor skills and hand/eye coordination. I will not take attendance as there are too many of you, so if you want individual attention, you will have to fight for it.
We will test your capacity to focus and execute applied knowledge, but what it really comes down to is how quickly you bounce back when the world you once trusted hurls you, unequipped, into the abyss.
You would be most wise to use your inevitable defeat as a recess. You get twenty seconds.
Avenge your worth in a subsequent cohort. Form fast alliances; only through cooperation will you emerge victorious. Sometimes. You will also be forced to abandon your allies at a moment’s notice, wreaking havoc on the world around you. Prepare to be held down, stepped on, sabotaged, imitated and just plain duped. Trust no one. Until the next lesson, when you may need to rely on everyone again.
You will learn to manage rage.
Notice there is no advanced stream, no “gifted” program, no division among you besides your capacity to persist in unreasonable circumstances, whatever it takes. The institution will shift and crumble. The ground ‘neath your feet will betray you. Your moral compass will do you no favors. The likelihood of your success dwindles with every passing second and may depend on your willingness to throw others under the bus. Throw or be fallen.
Transitions will be wrought with anxiety, the content of lessons will lack intuitive flow, a foreboding loss of control will overwhelm you, and there will never be enough time for lunch. Don’t let this semblance of the old-school format comfort you. In a blink, triumph could be ripped out of your tiny hands.
Celebrate the small wins, lest you succumb to total darkness.
We may have some bumps adapting to this new routine. In fact, there will always be bumps. And then some more bumps, and then the same bumps again and again, accompanied by a diminishing hope that you will ever be un-bumped. Your homework will always be the same: more of this. Your loved ones will see a side of you they never asked to see. Don’t be alarmed by the rate with which you yell, “DON’T LOOK AT ME!” It’s normal to feel that way.
There will be some light memory exercises and very basic math.
As your teacher, I’ll be right there with you. The old hierarchy of power has dissolved in this pedagogical battle royale. We will ban together, we will scrimmage, and we will likely be separated. I don’t want you to give up. But make no mistake: I am in it to win it and you’re all going down.
Does this new curriculum effectively measure aptitude, evaluate achievement or predict relevant academic progress? No. I’m not too worried about that because I’ll be too busy wrecking you, through no choice of my own, just like this system wrecks me. Welcome to the world, kids. Armor up.
Finally, this curriculum will be delivered virtually, for health and safety.
