Dear Mr. Joker,
Thank you for your submission to our humble comedy website. Every week we receive hundreds of phenomenal submissions, and we wish that we could publish them all. Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that, at this time, we will be unable to publish your submission, a comedy article which you have titled, “Must Kill the Batman, the Batman Must Die.”
Real funny stuff. But, sadly, we will be giving it a pass.
Dear Mr. Joker, obviously we recognize that comedy is subjective. And we wish you the best of luck in all future writing endeavors. Unfortunately, in this specific instance, it appears as though your comedic sensibilities did not necessarily mesh with the off-kilter brand of wry, comedic wit that has come to define our lauded humor site.
For future reference, we’re looking for something funny yet snarky. You know, something in the vein of A Fish Called Wanda or The Harvard Lampoon. We want a comedy article that makes you think just as much as it makes you laugh.
Meanwhile, here is one of the pages that you sent to us:
Oof. Lot to unpack here.
A few suggestions: First off, when it comes to comedy writing, there should usually be some sort of central premise/concept that unites the piece.
For example, if you wished to write an article that satirized a specific element of politics, cinema, or millennial culture – why, that would be a perfectly acceptable premise for our humble publication.
Unfortunately, Mr. Joker, in your case, it often felt as though there was a distinct and noticeable lack of focus. For example, in pages 3-7 of your submission, your piece spends a majority of its energy listing various character traits you dislike/hate about the “Batman” (i.e. “He is stealthy,” “He is tricky,” “He is the adversary,” “I hate the Batman”).
However, by page 13, your initial “dislikes” concept has been forgotten entirely, and, instead, you enclosed what appears to be a map of all the, quote, “Banks in Gotham.”
Sadly, Mr. Joker, this lack of cohesion made your piece feel less strong than some of the other submissions we received this week.
Another small issue we had with your piece is that, as a comedy website, we unfortunately do not have the capability to publish articles that were sent to us in the mail (like yours). And, along those lines, we also do not have the ability to publish humor articles that include not one, but seven hand-drawn sketches of the Batman (pages 2, 8, 9, 14, 15, 18, and 31).
Not only are these pictures confusing, Mr. Joker, but, more importantly, they are also impossible to convert into a convenient digital format.
All this being said, however, we did find your observational comments about taco stands (page 52) to be quite funny; perhaps you could extend that into a full-length article (a potential headline could be “31 Batty Things Out-of-Towners Don’t Know About Gotham’s Tacos”)?
Just a thought, I suppose.
Either way, thank you so, so much for your humor submission, Mr. Joker. Sadly, we could not publish this specific piece. But (as we all know) writing is rewriting.
We look forward to hearing from you in the future!
– The Editors
P.S. Have you considered improv?
