Hey guys, can we chat for a second?
Look. I realize that coal mining can be a wild business sometimes. What with all the cave-ins, landslides, and debilitating respiratory diseases… this job can get pretty darn zany. Even on a good day.
But come on. This is getting ridiculous.
Am I seriously the only one still making sure the canary is alive?
Seriously?
I’m sorry. But this is not appropriate behavior for the workplace, people!
I mean, I get it. Walking all the way up to the canary cage every thirty minutes, just to see if he’s still chirping – that’s not a very fun job.
But you know what, folks? Maybe being a coal miner isn’t supposed to be all fun and games. And maybe, just maybe, some of us have to do some actual work around here!
Because, look, I hate to be “that guy” right now, but it just feels like every single time we have to check whether the canary has (or has not) suffocated from a lethal exposure of odorless, colorless, undetectable carbon monoxide, I’m the one who pulls the short straw.
Which just doesn’t seem fair to me.
I mean, what kind of a workspace are we trying to foster here, anyways?
Is this the kind of collaborative mine shaft where daily chores are fairly and equitably distributed? Or is this the kind of happy-go-lucky coal mine where one unlucky schmuck (me) gets saddled with all the nitty-gritty canary-checking duties, while everyone else gets to shirk their obligations and romp around in the dirt all day?
Seriously, people. Are we a group of coal mining individuals? Or are we a coal mining team?
Now I don’t know about the rest of you, but last time I checked, I thought we were excavating unrefined, bituminous coal ore in this underground mine shaft together.
As a team.
And this may sound a little “out there,” but sometimes being a part of a team means that, occasionally, you have to put down that thirteen-pound pickaxe, roll up your grimy, coal-stained shirtsleeves…
And check on the dang canary!
That’s all I’m asking for!
That’s all I’ve ever asked for!
And honestly, it’s not like the rest of you are pulling your weight in the checking-to-see-if-the-canary-is-still-alive department. Are you?
Remember last month, when I hung up all those “How’s the canary doing?” signs in the central mine shaft? What a waste of paper! And remember two weeks ago, when I brought in all those “Seriously. How’s the canary doing?” cupcakes from Sam’s Club? What a waste of cupcakes!
And don’t even get me started on the canary-checking chore wheel.
Forget cave-ins – that was a disaster.
Anyways, I’m sorry for harping on you like this. But if we’re trying to create a fun and respectful work environment, we really need to synergize on this one! Because, let’s face it, right now the most dangerous thing that we could ever do is let an inequitable distribution of chores directly disadvantage a hardworking individual (me) who just wants this cool-as-heck coal mine to operate as smoothly and as fairly as humanly possib-
Wait, what?
The canary died while I was yelling at all of you just now?
…
Yeah. Okay. That’s my bad, guys.
