I am so, so, so upset about the tragic Notre Dame fire, and here are all my cathedral pictures to prove it. It’s incredible that a billion dollars has already been raised! I just sent a huge chunk – well, my parents did – and I feel so much better already.
Do you see these myriad photos from my trips to Paris? That’s because I went several times. Because that’s how much I love Paris.
I am so distressed as I look at this photo of me, captured mid-air as I leap for joy in front of the extraordinary craftsmanship that is 6 Parvis Notre-Dame – Pl. Jean-Paul II, 75004 Paris, France. I know exactly where it is because of the myriad times I’ve been there and taken carefully art-directed photographs.
I am beside myself as I see a picture of me sticking my tongue into a gargoyle’s mouth. What?! I’m checking for water. Let me slow my roll: Did you know that gargoyles have open mouths because they’re channels for water? No, I did not just hear this from the architect I’m hooking up with – I learned it in Paris during my first visit at the ripe young age of eighteen years; I observed the sights and studied their history, and paid verrrrrry close attention to all the tour guide bois.
For those of you asking, yes, I’ve heard of Flint water. Is that what they were using to put out the fire or something?
Do you even know what a gargoyle is? It’s basically a channel for water and that’s why most have open mouths and protruding teeth and tongues. I did not Google these factoids, but remember them from my first semester abroad in Paris, where I studied everything I could get my hands on.
What do you mean, “What about the Louisiana church fires?” How is a string of arsons at black churches from, like, history even relevant?
I am shattered as I come across this snapshot of me, legs akimbo in the foreground, framed up so that the spire is, like, between my legs. You may find it silly, but I industriously studied photography composition during my summer in the City of Light, and was looking for much deeper meaning in all of my work, not wasting time and superb Beaujolais by getting completely fucking hammered and then making out with five French guys in one night and even having one baguette for breakfast, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, you can find the rest of my pics in my Insta stories, and there’s, like, so much Notre Dame behind me in most of them! While they fix the cathedral, I will probably visit another one of my favorite countries, Puerto Rico – if they’ve finally paid their electric bill, that is!