Whew. It was a long winter and spring spent sneaking around, but your days of sipping sweet, creamy iced coffee quietly through a straw, trying not to make any slurping noises, while huddled in your pantry are finally over.
Yes, now that the days are seemingly endless and the temperature never dips below eighty, your covert affair, once a tawdry matter that caused you unparalleled shame, can exist out in the open. Make sure you both wear your sunscreen, sunglasses, and wide-brimmed hat, though. It’s hot outside and ice melts easily. You don’t want your secret lover to become watered down and tasteless. Relationships take work and you must take precautions to keep your dalliance frigid and refreshing.
If you haven’t revealed your affair to your significant other yet, now is the time. Sure, during the depths of winter when they found the two of you curled up together on the laundry room floor shivering under a pile of blankets while you tasted each other, they may have been a bit shocked. Perhaps they even berated you, called you names, and told you to fix “your problem” or find another place to live. Their reaction probably drove you even deeper into the shadows. The shame forcing you to seek your fix at the local coffee shop six to eight times per day.
Now, however, as your spouse or partner basks in the relentless summer sun, they will understand. That you have rigged up an iced coffee IV drip in your bedroom will seem appropriate, logical, and very normal. If you play your cards right, they might even want to join in. As the French say, two is company, but three is a ménage à trois.
Picture yourself walking hand-in-hand along the beach. You, the love of your life, and your significant other. A cool ocean breeze in your hair. As you look out across the churning ocean, the hairs on your arm might start to tingle as you think about what is to come. Later, as the sun begins to set, the sky is painted red and orange, and purple thunderheads loom in the distance, your inhibitions fall away like drops of condensation from a plastic cup. Before you know it, the three of you are tangled up in a ball of lust, thirst, and refreshment on the beach. You are all covered in sand. It’s in your hair and mouths and straws, but you don’t care. It’s everything you ever imagined and more.
Yes, this is the year you finally live out your wildest fantasies. Summer is here and it’s time to slurp like you’ve never slurped before.
