WASHINGTON – Following a particularly tumultuous week in the White House, President Donald Trump is again throwing his aides and the entire country for a loop by launching into a full-blown tirade against Poseidon, Lord and Master of the Ocean, on Twitter.
Since Trump began his early-morning rant against the God of the Sea, nobody on his team has been able to figure out the source of the president’s latest feud.
“None of the cable news shows were discussing Poseidon today by the time we ended the president’s TV privileges,” an unnamed White House source said. “Does he feel some sort of connection to Poseidon’s father Cronus? Has someone been reading The Odyssey to him recently? Does he just hate earthquakes? We honestly have no idea.”
Trump’s tirade has set off an unmitigated crisis in the White House, as all other work has been suspended until aides can determine a plan to deal with the president’s most recent public scuffle.
Throughout a twenty-tweet rant early in the morning, Trump alternated between campaign rhetoric and seemingly goading Poseidon into a fight, sometimes combining the two. “God of the sea! The ocean is terrible – so polluted! Weak leader. SAD!” the president said in one tweet, then going on in another tweet to suggest that Poseidon has no idea how to end crime in Chicago.
“This is honestly the last thing we need right now,” another unnamed source said. “There’s just no protocol for this type of provocation.”
At press time, Trump was seen reaching for his phone after yelling about a Planters commercial featuring iconic mascot Mr. Peanut.
