Did you know that by adding “Now walk on those hot coals” to a Beyoncé quote, you’ve got a Tony Robbins-style seminar just waiting to happen? “If everything was perfect, you would never learn and you would never grow. Now walk on those hot coals.” “Never make excuses; never expect anyone else to provide for me things that I know I can provide for myself. Now walk on those hot coals.” “I’m not really sure people know or understand what a feminist is, but it’s very simple. It’s someone who believes in equal rights for men and women. Now walk on those hot…
Author: Paul Lander
Paul Lander
Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of - winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending Congolese gynecologist, Dr. Denis Mukwege, to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of African women in war-torn countries. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written for Weekly Humorist, National Lampoon, American Bystander, Robot Butt, McSweeney’s, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog, and Humor Times, written and/or produced for multiple TV shows and written standup material that’s been performed on Maher, The Daily Show, Colbert, Kimmel, etc. Now, on to Paul’s time commanding Special Forces in Kandahar…
Did you know that lyrics from Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night” will have you ready to impress at any AA meeting? Take a look: Hello, my name is (Your Name Here), there’s a stranger in my bed, there’s a pounding in my head. Glitter all over the room, pink flamingos in the pool. Hello, my name is (Your Name Here), I smell like a minibar, DJ’s passed out in the yard. Hello, my name is (Your Name Here), is this a hickey or a bruise? Hello, my name is (Your Name Here), pictures of last night ended up online. Oh well.…
Source: Steve Jurvetson 1. As a reminder as to who’s the better businessman, have all books related to Trump on Amazon be required to repeat Chapter 11 six times. 2. Buy the color orange and sue Trump for trademark infringement. 3. Build a giant wall on the Canadian border AND get Canada to pay for it. 4. Buy Twitter and suspend Trump’s account. 5. Have Alexa begin every response with “Hilary got more votes.” 6. Build a Mueller Tower in NYC with giant, neon signs saying “Mueller” that block the views at Trump Tower. 7. Buy McDonald’s and name a menu item the McDonald Trump Vietnam McChicken Sandwich. 8. Personally toss The…