DOWNERS GROVE, Ill.—The CompTIA trade association has announced that acoustic guitar training will be removed from the curriculum for their industry-leading Hottie+ certification program as of January 2026. The company cited the rise of digital audio workstations as the reason for the move, which will allow them to focus on more high-demand skills, such as learning to cook a single Asian dish and tanning.
“Regulation hotties face heavy competition in today’s climate, and class time is limited,” said program director Lamar Glover. “Strumming in the park simply doesn’t move the needle like it used to.”
“Music is all so synthed now, you’re lucky if people remember what a guitar even is,” agreed Ralph Hoyt, 31, who completed his Hottie+ training in late 2022. “The last time I brought out my guitar when a woman was over, she thought it was some witchcraft thing. She got so spooked that she hid in the bathroom until I coaxed her out with some cake pops.”
In recent months, many program graduates like Hoyt have found themselves playing catchup with the competition, despite having mastered the curriculum as it was presented.
“I felt confident with my arpeggios until I got out in the real world and saw the edge everyone had on me in GarageBand,” commented Samuel Bradley, 26, a Hottie+ alum who specializes in telling the origin story of his eyebrow scar at parties. “It’s not just that. I had to spend months finding resources on how to give my hair a tussle when I look up from my laptop.”
Said Kylie Booth, a hairstylist living in Rockford: “Last year, my fiancé and I decided together as a couple that he should finally take the leap and become hot. Frankly, I don’t see how learning to play dad rock in the basement is relevant anymore.”
“I assumed they’d at least teach him how to have bluer eyes,” she added.
A full review of the current curriculum is slated for early next summer. Topics that have been swapped out in the past include collar popping and cargo pants selection.
“All people want is to build a better future for themselves,” explained Booth.