Dear Bunkers and Brews Customers,
I hope this message finds you well, I hope you’re enjoying your drinks chilled just like my patience has been this entire summer. Seriously, watching you stumble into the bar in your khakis and polo after a round of “golf” (if we’re being generous) was the highlight of my day… said no one ever.
First, I’d like to thank you for trekking down south for the weekend with your buddies and visiting Bunkers and Brews. Keeping my tip jar full and my private story entertained. I just have one question: What exactly goes through your mind before you open your mouth? Was that comment supposed to be funny? Do you practice your one-liners in the mirror every morning? Or, better yet, do you go home and share all the zingers you dropped on the bartender with your family? Was I supposed to laugh? Or be flattered? Seriously, do you have a daughter? Would you want someone dropping these verbal masterpieces on her?
After this summer I can officially add a little something extra to my job description– right before “pouring drinks” and “dodging awkward encounters.” Your comment about wanting my “special touch” as I squeezed your lime into your drink sent me into a full-body cringe so intense I’m surprised I didn’t shatter the glassware. And let’s not forget the cherry on top of this performance: “You’re squirting on me.” Really? That one didn’t get left in the drafts? I couldn’t believe that was real life.
Have you ever noticed how some golfers swing like they’re trying to chop down a tree? And then, when they’re done shanking their way through all 18 holes, they head straight to the bar. The only thing golfers consistently hit… is on the bartender! I’ve heard it all, from awkward winks to compliments that should come with a warning label. I’ll never understand the weird comments and lack of manners. Meanwhile, I’m stuck behind the bar awkwardly laughing, trying not to embarrass you… and honestly, I don’t even know why I bother. Some of you should be so embarrassed you crawl up in a ball and rethink your life choices.
Can we all just agree to keep it friendly? Less “creepy uncle at Thanksgiving,” more “friendly neighbor borrowing sugar.” Trust me, the compliments work much better when they’re about the drinks, not the person making them. And maybe, just maybe, let’s aim for a summer with more cheers and fewer cringe-worthy one-liners
Thank you for understanding and for helping keep the bar fun– for all of us. I look forward to serving you— preferably with fewer winks and more tips!