Hours, Pay and Benefits
DESPERATE CAT OWNER will be compensated in the form of company, cuteness and occasionally cuddles from APATHETIC CAT.
The standard hours of work for DESPERATE CAT OWNER will be 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
DESPERATE CAT OWNER must be able to pay out-of-pocket expenses for pet visits, toys and yummy food.
DESPERATE CAT OWNER is entitled to benefits in the form of opportunities to take adorable, Instagrammable photos of APATHETIC CAT.
DESPERATE CAT OWNER is entitled to 7 vacation days if, and only if, they are able to arrange for a cat sitter.
Scope of Work
DESPERATE CAT OWNER is contracted to feed and provide water to APATHETIC CAT daily at a mutually agreed upon time.
DESPERATE CAT OWNER is required to clean APATHETIC CAT’s litter box twice a day.
DESPERATE CAT OWNER must provide a cozy little bed that APATHETIC CAT would undoubtedly avoid and opt to sleep in the sink.
DESPERATE CAT OWNER is obliged to play with APATHETIC CAT several times a day.
DESPERATE CAT OWNER must be able to balance APATHETIC CAT with other priorities if, for instance, APATHETIC CAT lays down on DESPERATE CAT OWNER’s keyboard while they are working.
DESPERATE CAT OWNER cannot touch, pet or pick up APATHETIC CAT unless APATHETIC CAT approaches DESPERATE CAT OWNER for cuddles.
Once cuddles are confirmed, DESPERATE CAT OWNER is legally obliged to pet, scratch the ears and rub the tummy of APATHETIC CAT.
Whenever APATHETIC CAT comes to DESPERATE CAT OWNER, DESPERATE CAT OWNER must allow APATHETIC CAT to rest their cute little noggin on DESPERATE CAT OWNER’s lap.
Termination
This employment agreement may be terminated at any point if DESPERATE CAT OWNER fails to fulfill the responsibilities live up to this agreement or if APATHETIC CAT chooses to run away.