With the holidays fast approaching, you may have some anxieties about how you will fare with the almost inevitable presence of whole honey-baked hams. Well, this is why it is imperative to start your training early.
You want to avoid the worst, finding yourself curled once again in front of the open fridge as leftover Christmas ham trickles down from the sides of your mouth between desperate gasps for air and pained gags to make room for more Christmas ham. I would like for you to avoid this.
This is all, of course, with the understanding that one must balance this fear with the realities of the sweet, splendid highs that await us all within the supple, pink creases of that succulently glazed ham. At the end of the day, we’ve all “flown too close to the pig,” as they say. All I’m seeking to establish is that joys such as these can be realized if managed well, in small increments over long periods of time.
I am referring of course to the new-age phenomenon referred to, in some communities, as ham microdosing. From the most avid ham enthusiasts to weekend ham consumers, and even those who are simply curious about experimenting with ham: this comprehensive guide will provide you with all the information your need regarding the blossoming field of microdosing ham.
But who am I to speak on the ham consumptions of others?
Without delving deep into details, I am one of the most arduous ham heads one can happen upon. From the juiciest of summer hams to the thinnest of lunch hams, I have seen it all. As I screamed through the ham-filled roller coaster that was my early twenties, I have reached the point of maturity and wisdom necessary to seek out some kind of balance between my ham and my life.
Truly, I have seen eons of ham beyond my years.
Early on in my ham journey, I knew the importance of setting strict boundaries on how I would consume. What’s more, I understood it was impossible – even for one as strong-willed as I – to cut out ham cold turkey. For me, this meant simply the smallest of sniffs of only the most succulent of hams.
For example, I knew of many delis that often would allow small samples of their hams. To this extent, I visited delis with absolutely no means of payment, knowing this would prevent myself from any potential relapse or reactionary purchase upon the sultry tasting of those sweet hams. I learned how to roll the ham underneath my tongue, getting the mouthfeel of the ham in the process, then swishing it back and forth and all around to ensure not only a tasting experience but a multi-sense aromatic examination of the ham.
Of course, most people consume ham in quantities so as to experience the full effect of the lustrous meat; however, you will find that there are many benefits to just having a lil’ piece of ham a day. These benefits may include, but are not limited to, uplifted moods, improved focus, increased energy, and a deliciously sweet and salty sensation. The first step is realizing where you’re at – understanding one’s limits when it comes to the consumption of ham to gain the optimal and desired effect, without infringing on one’s day-to-day life.
Microdosing ham should not mean full ham deprivation, as you will likely relapse back to full-ham. Therefore, to acclimate the body to the ideal amount of ham, my weekly recommended approach toward microdosing equilibrium is as follows: begin the first week with the aforementioned lil’ sniff. After another week, begin to enjoy an entire sample’s worth. From there, work your way up to a tiny chunk, and by week four, you should be able to enjoy a thin slice without a relapse.
Finally, once just a thin slice both satisfies your ham needs while helping you avoid relapse, one will have reached the seemingly unattainable balancing of the ham, all thanks of course to ham microdosing.
While you embark on this journey, never forget to consult the do’s and don’ts of safe ham microdosing:
- Do: Eat your ham with your head held high. For too long have so many of us had to hide our love for such honey-glazed passions.
- Don’t: Skip a day. One off day is one step closer to relapsing into a swine fever, as many call it.
- Do: Keep a backup ham. I keep as many as possible just in case of an emergency, such as in my backpack, my glovebox, or under the office bathroom sink.
- Don’t: Mix hickory smoked ham with black forest (ever).
- Do: Try some “study ham.”
- Don’t: Try a little ham at the beach.