1. Your dog barks at him. Contrary to popular belief, dogs are known to bark at mailmen not because they just happen to be strangers entering your property, but because there really is a malicious aura about mailmen in particular. Just as dogs can detect bombs, drugs and cancer, they also alert you to deep state agents. Had this been known generations ago, they could have been weeded out then and there. Now, sadly, there’s just too many of them roaming the streets.
2. His steering wheel is on the right. The steering wheels in garbage trucks are on what should be the passenger side, and we know the mafia controls the sanitation business, as evident in the 86-part documentary The Sopranos. It’s the same thing with mail trucks and the deep state. Driving on that side is inherently un-American; wherever it occurs, you can be sure there’s something seedy going on. (There are unconfirmed yet compelling rumors about a link between the Colombian cocaine trade and the Rolls-Royce convertible driven by Al Czervik in Caddyshack.)
3. He carries a set of keys. This is a requirement for deep state agents, but mailbox or ignition keys are not the only acceptable kind. NSA file encryption keys, keys to maps of Washington, DC’s underground pedophile tunnels, and espousing a reverence of Keynesian economics – each has a place in the system.
4. His boss has both “master” and “general” in his title. Could there be a more authoritative figure? At the top of the postal service hierarchy, the postmaster general has instilled in all of his letter carriers an unquestioning respect for order and operations. Only after their individual identities are broken down and they assume an unconcerned, robotic demeanor are they able to fulfill their duties (basically what the CIA did to Jason Bourne).
5. He read Bukowski’s Post Office and thought about quitting, but didn’t. Your mailman, like the deep state, values continuity and stability over disorder and uncertainty. No further explanation needed.
6. Some days he wears a full uniform and other days just shorts or something. With stealth a paramount concern, the lack of identifying clothing allows him to instantly blend into a crowd, should his mission that day require it. Of course, the most professional and effective deep state agents are those who can avoid drawing attention to themselves when in public, like the extras in every sitcom ever made. Donning the full garb is like an FBI agent flashing his badge: if he does it all the time, the mystique – and the power it affords – is diminished.
7. He’ll fight an Amazon delivery driver but only in self-defense. Your mailman won’t go out of his way to praise the non-government entities that handle mail, but neither does he have any ill will toward any of their on-the-ground workers because, like him, they are just doing their jobs. However, if he, his truck or his mail is threatened, he will consider that a menace to the entirety of the postal service he swore to preserve, protect and defend. Deep state agents are trained to behave similarly.
8. He can be seen with a Bluetooth or some other ear device. If he says he’s just listening to music, he’s obscuring the means by which unscrupulous orders are handed down from his shadow government overlords in Washington (or Langley, Virginia, or maybe Fort Meade, Maryland – no one’s quite sure where the deep state’s headquarters are). Delivering the mail is merely a cover for planting microphones in packages and acquiring your router data through technology unavailable to the general public. And these are just the activities we know about.
9. The logo on his truck looks like a bird. These reconnaissance tasks aren’t all that surprising once you realize that mailmen are more sophisticated models of the first government drones ever made: carrier pigeons. The image by which you have come to recognize the postal service pays homage to this. The naïve man may think it signifies only efficiency and coverage, but it also means intrusion and warrantless surveillance if you’re not careful.
