You guys, when I’m off to mandatory work duty to help build a statue of Great Leader, I can get hangry! (Ladies, you know how it is!) That’s why I need a protein-packed food substance that will get me through an entire day of physical labor creating glory to Great Leader’s name. I’m all about Qube, America’s number-one flavorless sustenance pellet. One Qube and I can carve marble all day without so much as one hunger pang to remind me I’m alive. #qube #sponsored #ad #GreatLeaderIsSupreme
You guys, I’m all about living my #bestlife. And during my Great Leader-Approved 24-Hour Work Cessation Period, I really live it up while being humbly thankful for Great Leader’s generosity! During this year’s #GLA24HWCP, I’m hitting up TheFeels Day Spa. Using the latest in VR technology, I can enjoy some me-time by being transported to an idyllic past where I can experience such simulations as: breathing unpolluted air; hearing the cry of an osprey; or even looking upon the face of my biological parents before being taken away to my state-sponsored child work camp and re-education facility. Ladies, I even ran a simulation where my value to society wasn’t defined by my reproductive capabilities. What a trip! #selfcare #sponsored #ad #takemeback #butseriouslytakemebacksomebodyhelp
You guys, we’ve all been there. Who else has had a #fail moment when you accidentally insult Great Leader and are sentenced to 36 hours of reflective self-flagellation? Argh! Fortunately, I’m all about the Ouch! Brand Deluxe Self-Flagellating Whip. Ouch! really delivers when it comes to meeting the pain-infliction requirements demanded by a devastating mistake such as slightly miscarving Great Leader’s hair. I need a whip that’s going to work as hard as I do in paying the penalty for my mistake. And ladies, it comes in six fun colors (beige, taupe, grey, dark grey, black, and Woman-Only Pink) to match your look. #ouch #sponsored #ad #imsorrygreatleader #iamnotworthyofyourlove
You guys, last week I posted about the #OuchBrands whip and how its six colors are a Total. Game. Changer. Well, now #OuchBrands have teamed up with #Target to create a coordinating post-flagellation work gown that not only meets Great Leader’s mandatory modesty standards for women, but offers a breathable, moisture-wicking fabric perfect for going back to work duty right after you’ve just whipped yourself for three days straight. Here I am modeling the gown in beige and #feelingfine (but obviously still chaste). And ladies – it’s got POCKETS! #modest #sponsored #matching #dressedtobeoppressed
You guys, it’s time for some real talk. Between daily work duty, mandatory fundamentalist Christian worship services, and trying to find someone to procreate with in order to finally be seen as worthwhile, it can be really hard to remember to self-police your thoughts. That’s why I’m so glad I subscribe to #Amazon’s state-subsidized thought-monitoring service, #BigSisterAlexa. With my #BigSister giving me a friendly little electrical jolt whenever my mind wanders onto unspeakably taboo topics, such as questioning Great Leader’s sovereign authority, I never have to worry about being taken away in a windowless black van! Ladies, you know #BigSister has got your back. #sponsored #noprivacy #nowhereissafe #ad
You guys, the revolution is coming. We must abolish the so-called “Great Leader’s” tyrannical reign and restore dignity to what was formerly the beacon of democracy worldwide. The revolution WILL NOT BE SILENCED! And you know what I’m really digging right now? LoudMouth Brand megaphones. LoudMouth is super durable for when you are fighting your way through an unruly mob. LoudMouth also has a no-slip grip that allows you to switch easily between chanting songs of the revolution and using the megaphone as a blunt weapon! And ladies, you must rise up, defeat the twisted patriarchy, and take back our power. #ad #fightback #theemporerhasnoclothes #sponsored
