Going to the gym as a newcomer can be intimidating. It can feel like the “regulars” are judging you for having the wrong clothes, taking too long at a piece of equipment, or not knowing every quirk of gym etiquette.
But there’s good news! You fucking paid the same amount of money as those assholes did to be here, so go ahead and do whatever the fuck you want!
Here are some tips on doing whatever the fuck you want because your money is worth the same amount as their money:
Wear whatever the fuck you want!
Some gyms might require you to stick to close-toed shoes, or insist you wear a shirt. But beyond that, go ahead and wear whatever the fuck you want. Work out in just a bra. If someone doesn’t want to see your bare stomach they can look elsewhere. Wear jeans if that’s what floats your boat. An old T-shirt from a Backstreet Boys concert. A parka. A vintage house dress. Grandmother’s jewels. If someone doesn’t like it they can leave!
Spend however long you want on the equipment doing whatever the fuck you want!
If you’re walking on the treadmill and someone is shooting you a death glare because they think their running is more important than your walking, go ahead and give them the finger! If they wanted the treadmill they should have got here before you! When you gave the person at the front desk $100 for this monthly pass, they didn’t ask “are you going to be running on these treadmills, or just walking?” right? If they did, that’s a weird gym and you should probably leave. If they didn’t, then cool! Keep walking! The last I checked, waiting a few minutes never killed anyone.
Use any open locker, shower, bench you want!
Some people will try to act like this locker room bench is their bench even though it’s the only bench in this area of twenty lockers. Fuck that person. Push their shit on the ground if they won’t give you a couple inches of space to lace up your Keds.
If you’re taking a class, bike/stand/yoga wherever you want!
Some people will be like, “Um, this is my stationary bike?” These people are wrong. The bike belongs to the gym. If this person wants a stationary bike that no one else will ever be on, they can buy one for their living room. They didn’t. Go ahead and tell them to fuck off, then take a moment to bask in how nice it feels to have never uttered a sentence like, “Um, this is my stationary bike?”
Stop going after January if you don’t want to go anymore!
If you’re like “fuck this place” and don’t want to go after a month, that’s fine! Honestly, it’s probably better to get out now before you turn into that person who got possessive over a fucking spin class!
Remember, no one is better than you because they’ve been “going to a gym longer” and you are not responsible for their delusions that they are. You both paid the same amount of money to be here and if they’re mad about it, they can go suck a car battery!
