Argh, it is I, the Gorton’s fisherman, the guy on the fish sticks box in the freezer at your local grocery store. Don’t let this weather-worn face, bright yellow raincoat, and salty accent fool you, I dish out advice much like your mom dishes out my tasty crispy battered fish fillets, and today’s topic is all about summer flings!
I know all about the summer fling as well as I know a mainsail from a headsail and the tragedy they can bring! You see, it was the summer of my twenty-third year that I met a mermaid. Yer heard me right! A mermaid. Her eyes a beautiful blue that assailed through my tough exterior and yellow raincoat. Her flippers glistened and sparkled when the rays of sunshine would gleam upon her. She reminded me of haddock.
Making love to a mermaid is an experience like no other. Sure, the lower half of her body was a fish but from the waist up she was all woman. We used to take the helm of my ship and steer her port to bow if you catch my drift.
And that’s thee problem. Just like being caught adrift at sea, summer flings never last.
Would a sailor head out to see without making sure the bilges are reasonably dry and that the pumps are not running excessively, or not have a radio on board to receive weather updates, or prefer not to carry at least two fenders on board for docking or towing if required?
NO! Of course not, ye dumb ass! So why would ye plow headfirst into a summer fling without heeding my advice?
Yes, for the record I could not plow headfirst into me mermaid! Like I stated earlier, half of her body was a fish! Haddock!
Prepare ye heart – this is my biggest piece of advice. Treat it like treasure and throw a net around it. Protect thee heart from getting too involved with any summer lass! I like to think of it as the net I use when I capture shrimp for my Simply Bake Classic Schrimp Scampi recipe.
Hear my words. It will help when the sun sets on summer and you go back to your daily life.
Sure, every now and then you might think of those long walks on the beach or in my case, as I walked on the beach while my mermaid glided along the surface waves, but that’s just it, it’s a memory and cannot be sustained.
I compare it to smelling fuel while on board my ship! If smells are detected before ventilating, check after running the blowers for several minutes before starting. Your heart needs to be ventilated and secure!
I can sense you are getting restless to hear more advice about the summer fling, and this is possibly my most important tip: put ye phone down and just enjoy being in the moment, drink plenty of water, and no matter what else you do, don’t invite a mermaid onto your boat! They need to be in the water and will die within a matter of minutes.
I will never make that mistake again nor will I ever love anyone else the way I loved my mermaid. Watching her flop around as the last of her breaths left her burgeoning bosom is an image that will permanently haunt my slumber.
This is my advice and I wish you smooth sailing this summer! Feel free to hit up Uncle Gorty and let me know if you are in need of any other advice, want to know the difference between port and starboard or, just want a new and delicious fish recipe!
