Hi, Ted! My name is Ethan, and I’m a student employee calling from the Office of Annual Giving at Shamilton University. How are you this evening? Good, good.
One of the reasons I’m calling tonight is to get some feedback about your time at Shamilton University. What clubs and activities were you involved with during your time on campus? Acapella? Me too! I joined the Sesames my sophomore year, and I’ve been part of it ever since. We actually have a performance next month, if you happen to be near campus!
As you may know, a few years ago Shamilton started a new initiative, the Alumni Organ Donation Program. The university recognized that many of its recent graduates were unable to financially contribute at this point in their lives and wanted to provide an alternative means for recent graduates to give back to current students. With generous donations from our alumni in the past year, we have been able to provide new livers for members of the Undergraduate Wine-Tasting Club, new eyeballs for the Shamilton Shrimp costume, and new hearts to compost and use in the Shamilton Student Garden Project.
Your support can provide increased learning opportunities for countless students on campus. In addition, if you donate any number of organs for more than two years, you will be inducted into the Shamilton University Organ Donation Leadership Society. Being in the society comes with many perks, such as a 25% discount on all university apparel.
With that being said, would you consider donating one of your lungs?
Okay, I understand you just graduated and are still navigating life as a post-graduate. Would you be more comfortable donating half of your liver? The liver has amazing regenerative abilities and can grow back within weeks, so it wouldn’t be too much of a burden.
Okay, well, one thing I would like to mention is that each year colleges report the percentage of alumni who give back to their alma mater to the U.S. News & World Report. A Shamilton degree is even more valuable when more alumni from the university give back via organ donations. Any amount of an organ you donate really does help, because the partial organ you donate will be matched with thousands of other partial organs from other alumni and friends. All in all, would you be more comfortable donating one-eighth of your spleen?
Okay, not a problem! Thank you for taking the time to speak with me this evening – oh, which reminds me, this year you also have the option of donating your vocal cords to the – Hello? Hello?