BOSTON – Yesterday, Mark Evans woke up from a coma more than seventeen years after a horrific car crash that almost claimed his life speaking fluent Smash Mouth. The 35-year-old woke up with bed sores and said to a nearby nurse, “Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me.” The nurse adjusted his bedding then quickly contacted his family.
When asked about the accident that led to his coma, Mark explained “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed,” adding “Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.”
Reckless driving was the cause of Mark’s accident, and he was able to detail the events just before his accident. “Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn’t make sense not to live for fun.” He continued, “So much to do, so much to see, so what’s wrong with taking the back streets?” Or so he thought. It was on those back streets that his car overturned, throwing him from the vehicle.
When asked if he remembered or was aware of anything during the last seventeen years, Mark claims to have remembered everything. “Well the years start coming and they don’t stop coming,” he said. Evans was also able to detail the conditions of the hospital room. “It’s a cool place and they say it gets colder. You’re bundled up now, wait till you get older.”
And he has gotten older. Seventeen years older. He was even able to recall a strange interaction he had with another patient. “Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas? I need to get myself away from this place.” Apparently the patient was unaware of Mark’s condition and inability to speak. Mark, unable to vocalize, thought to himself, “Yep, what a concept. I could use a little fuel myself. And we could all use a little change.”
When asked if he could speak Smash Mouth before the accident, his family said, “Yes. He has always been a huge asshole.”
