You might remember that I was the guy who threw my support behind the active volcano that was discovered in my neighborhood because I felt like it could bring about the change we so desperately needed. Now that it’s been a few months, I will admit that I do have a few doubts, but I remain hopeful. Let me explain.
First off, I’m a positive person and if there is one thing I’ve learned from this whole volcano situation is that there are way too many negative people in this world. Everyone is walking around talking about how scared they are and how dangerous everything is and how they don’t feel at home in their own neighborhood anymore and it is driving me batty. JUST GET OVER IT, PEOPLE! The volcano is here now and it’s not going anywhere. What good does it do to complain about it all the time and be all doom and gloom?
And really, has it been so bad? Sure, I’ve heard some stories about people having their lawns charred by creeping lava and others being killed in their homes while they were sleeping, but how much of that is really true? It’s pretty much impossible to figure out what is real and what is fake anymore. In my book, it’s mostly overreaction driven by people using Facebook and Twitter too much. I’ve only personally seen one house burst into flames and that was the eyesore on the corner of Maple and Elm that I told you about last time. Thank you, volcano! That is certainly change I can believe in.
Of course, there was also that unfortunate incident involving my neighbor, Dan. For those of you keeping score, Dan isn’t the bongo-playing, pot-smoking guy or fucking Fred. No, Dan is cool. Or, rather, was cool. And then he was really, really hot for a few minutes when a heap of smoldering ash and rock engulfed him while he was out jogging. And then he was neither cool nor hot because he was just dead. Very sad. Dan was a good family man and a good Christian and I miss him very much.
But, such is life. If it wasn’t the volcano, it probably would have been something else, right? I mean, who is to say whether the volcano was even responsible? Everyone is always so quick to blame the volcano when it could’ve been literally anything else that blasted the ash and molten rock into the sky. Why is everyone so eager to slag off the volcano at every opportunity and make fun of it and put me down just for having my opinion? It’s my right to have opinions, isn’t it?
Of course, the haters won’t hear it. All you get from them is hate, hate, hate! Like they are suddenly a bunch of volcanologists! Whatever. It would be nice if they recognized that not everyone shares their hatred for the volcano. Just because I support the volcano doesn’t mean I’m dumb or naïve or hateful. We simply have a difference of opinion about the way things work and the basic science of volcanoes. Period.
And if you ask me, I’m the only reasonable one around here because I’m willing to see both sides. For example, the whole Dan incident gave me pause because it made me reconsider the volcano’s motives and the connection I thought we had. As you know, I would’ve much preferred to see hippie guy or Fred incinerated. That’s why the volcano drew my initial support. But, who among us hasn’t made mistakes? You can bet all these holier than thou wannabe volcanologists around here have their share of skeletons in the closet. Let the person who has not murdered someone or firebombed someone’s house throw the first stone!
And while I’m waiting for that first stone to never be thrown I’ll just be here chilling in my comfortable house enjoying my life. And I’ll probably be wearing sunglasses so I can keep looking on the bright side and so that my eyes won’t get scorched by the toxic gases and ash that keeps falling from the sky. I still believe everything is going to work out fine for all of us. I can just feel it!
