ARLINGTON, Va. – Unsettled over a deteriorating amount of public attention, white supremacist Richard Spencer took a break from electronically distributing rhetoric hateful and harmful to anybody who doesn’t fit his own immediate demographic to revisit the now-viral events following President Donald Trump’s inauguration.
“The Nazi Punch, they call it. Let me tell you what actually happened,” Spencer began, attempting to charm his followers with a tale of courage and intrigue.
“Green: Pepe. White: Richard,” the Nazi sympathizer continued, taking a break from editing an article titled ‘European Supreme: On the Biological Advantages of Melanin Deficiencies.’
“Black: The fist of mine assailant.”
His right eye socket still hurting in a way that would inform some people that there are real-world consequences for distributing racist and sexist propaganda, Spencer doubled down in opposition as he stabbed away at his laptop computer.
“Honor me! I have been to Hell, danced with his darkest caretaker, and returned to report my findings. Join me on this hero’s journey: January 20, 2017,” Spencer typed on the same computer he used 24 hours prior to call a Reddit user a “cuck-y little f*****” for suggesting that feminism preaches equality. “This greatest nation’s capital city. Rainy skies cannot dampen the spirit of correction. This isn’t about any one person; this is about a group fighting and endeavoring to make things right, to end the oppression.”
“I was minding no business but mine own; respecting the protesters’ greatest freedom, that freedom of speech, that right to expression,” Spencer wrote.
“’Pepe,’ I said. ‘This delightful cartoon caricature. This noblest of amphibians.’ As I endeavored to translate the spirit of our favorite aquatic ally to terms for the uninitiated, I was battered; sucker-punched! Transported to a realm of pain, of suffering: the void. It could have been minutes; it could have been hours; it could have been an eternity.”
Spencer then spent 1,200 words describing an abstract plunge through time and space, culminating in a “heroic battle against the embodied spirit of political correctness.” The battle took Spencer another 2,000 words to describe, but he “wielded truth like the sharpest of blades” to eventually “emerge the victor; for myself, for the ages, and for my people.”
He eventually regained consciousness, he wrote, and “came unto a stronger appreciation for what we are, and who we are, and what we do,” insisting that there is “no place in a modernized world for such morally reprehensible behavior” as non-peaceful protests. He added that he “simply can’t understand” why people might respond to his ideals with violence, but that it is his “cross to bear.”
Spencer then took a short break to check out a tab next to his Google Doc page: an eBay auction featuring a collection of Nazi-era stamps. He quietly pumped his fist as he realized that he placed the winning bid, and proceeded to work.
“Ah, but let the dogs yip, and let them yap. We won,” he wrote. “Any vulgar behavior reflects nothing more than the continued deterioration of that savage liberal psyche. Let us continue to take the high ground, brothers.
“We shall overcome the hatred of our oppressors.”
After a quick spell check, Spencer hit publish. He then switched gears to focus on what he privately refers to as a “real game-changer”: a list titled ‘Secret Jews in the Media, and What to Do About It.’
