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    Home»All Content»The Hub»Articles»History»Ho Ho What Happened to that Declaration America? (By King George III)
    History

    Ho Ho What Happened to that Declaration America? (By King George III)

    Noah SeligmanBy Noah SeligmanJuly 4, 2024No Comments3 Mins Read
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    Independence Day Painting

    July 4th was such a grand idea in the beginning.  The birth of a new nation. You even penned a noble declaration of independence.  A breakup worthy of some Taylor Swift lyrics.

    Such a soppy bit of prose. Star spangled elegance interlaced with every supercilious phrase. About dissolving the political bands from your sovereign and the consent of the governed?  Life, liberty, and property, pursuit of happiness was it? How cute. Is that still the plan then?

    Call me crazy, but didn’t that tidy Declaration contain a lengthy list of specious accusations hurled my direction? Some key bullet points of your revolution built around the idea that American colonies didn’t want to be ruled by a tyrant. It reads like a comedy now, since your Supreme Court just ruled that the President is in fact a king.  

    • uncheckedHe has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
    • uncheckedHe has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
    • uncheckedHe has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
    • uncheckedHe has excited domestic insurrections amongst us

    Well if you wanted to be ruled by an insane dictator why did you separate from me 250 years ago?

    John Hancock with your kindergarten handwriting. Making a big show of that bombastic autograph of yours.  I don’t need my spectacles to read between the lines here. Your democratic dream is dead.

    Lest we forget, your nepo baby President George W Bush 43, lost the popular vote, stole the election via the courts and still got to make a pair of lifetime appointments to the Supreme Court.  Then in 2016, the Republicans refused to consider a Democratic nominee since it was an election year.  Donald Trump lost the popular vote, appointed two mediocre guys including a perjuring rapist, but even that wasn’t enough.  They stole yet another seat after voting had already started in the 2020 election.  I’ve lost count but I know the Republicans control the judicial branch despite winning the popular vote once in the last eight Presidential elections. 

    Gotta love that electoral college, Slave states needed disproportionate power huh? Cricket makes more sense to Americans.

    So yes America. Light your fireworks. Hold your parades. Pledge the allegiance to the flag.  I simply can’t fathom why a new Marist poll shows more than half of your countrymen think patriotism is on the decline.

    Well if the Declaration of Indepence is obsolete, at least you have the Constitution to establish Justice and insure domestic Tranquility.   No chance that disappears anytime after November right?  If only you had the stability of the UK government. Voting on a new one on July 4th fittingly enough.  Britain, a once feared empire now isolated from its own continent, a superpower crumbling in retreat.

    But you couldn’t possibly understand that tempest now could you? After all you have the sacred Declaration of yours.

    4th of July Declaration of Independence King George
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    Noah Seligman

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