I still remember that day so many years ago in 2024. You came home freaking out about how 90% of my peers had told some survey that they wanted to be YouTube influencers when they grew up. “That will never happen,” you said, gritting your teeth with indignation.
Well, here we are a decade later and look at us: YouTube Nation, baby! And let me just say, Dad, this future we’re living in is awesome!
Of course, there have been challenges.
When the water stopped working from everyone being YouTube stars and there not being enough water treatment workers, I thought, “Dang! Dad’s never going to let me live this down!” But then our sponsors all stepped up to donate these wicked energy drinks to promote on our channels. Problem solved (except for the ongoing electrolyte imbalance)!
That time the bridges and roads started to crumble from a lack of engineers and municipal maintenance workers was another close call. I thought you were for sure going to bring it up when your car fell off the edge of the collapsed interchange and into a giant highway crevasse. But we YouTubers were all too quick and clever. You were so surprised at how we used the mass destruction as footage for that viral meme about planking on highway crevasses that you couldn’t even speak!
And speaking of speaking, you probably didn’t even realize that our teeth had all fallen out due to the lack of dentists, hygienists, and toothpaste manufacturers. The latest in AI technology has made it possible to apply computer-generated teeth to our videos live, just like we used to apply cat faces in the old days when there were lawyers. The lack of teeth IRL also makes it easier for us to eat the sponsor-supplied protein shakes that have replaced all real food due to the lack of farmers.
With all of us potential laborers being YouTubers at the same time, we probably should have foreseen the massive, violent turf wars that ensued. And this time you really did nearly say, “I told you so,” but you ended up only saying, “I told you argh!” because of that trident my main YouTube rival hurled through your chest. So, I don’t know if that really counts. Besides, after we all signed the International Mutual Commitment to Check Out Each Other’s Channels and Like and Subscribe Accord and tridents were banned, it was actually even better than before. Views went up. Subscriptions went up. Trident maimings and deaths went way down.
You whined a lot afterward about how there were no more doctors or nurses and how the hospitals were all vacant shells filled with rats and expired medicine. Actually, though, I think you owe an apology to me and that super useful YouTube How-To video because of how amazing we were at getting that trident out with a minimal loss of blood. Plus, you only fainted twice. (I’m pretty sure that third time you were just sleeping.)
I’ll admit that we have lately been running into some problems with having no banks to put our revenue stream in, but we couldn’t spend it anywhere anyway given that there are no more stores or businesses other than YouTube. Besides, you always hated shopping, Dad! This must be your dream, or it would be if you didn’t have those recurring night terrors about being stabbed with a trident.
So, yeah, Dad. Looks like your predictions about the future have all failed to come true. YouTube Nation is here to stay forever. And hey, don’t forget to like and subscribe – it’s the law!
