STOP doing your dishes and come check this out. This guy got a new hat!
Enough laundry! I need all your mental energy devoted right here, right now because he got a new hat!
Hey guys, I had a lot of boring chores I needed to do today and didn’t do them. My wife is going to be pissed when she gets home from her spine surgery so I’m trying to come up with a quick excuse to deflect some of the heat.
You know when a big pop culture thing happens and we all just collectively agree to only worry about that for like 48 hours? Like when David Bowie died, when Jim and Pam kissed, or whenever the McRib was back, you could get away with not handling any of your responsibilities because you are so swept up in the moment? I’m trying to do one of those, and in a hurry.
I figured if I came up with a huge “history happening in front of our own eyes” news moment to show my wife when she gets home, she’ll completely understand that it would have been emotionally impossible for me to fold clothes today and then also take me to get ice cream probably. I can’t really draw and have almost no large-scope storytelling skills so all I came up with was this guy getting a new hat.
I think it might still work! So that’s where I need your help. I need a couple million of you to take this image and tweet it out or post it to BuzzFeed dot com so that it trends number one and easily convinces my wife this is clearly the most beloved character on Earth and she must just not be familiar with him. If you could also come up with some in-depth lore, like why this hat is so important, or what his name is, that would be so helpful as well. I am pretty creatively exhausted on this one after coming up with the whole hat thing.
Oh, and DO NOT send this article to my wife. If you do, I will trace the IP address and come to your house to sleep on your couch.