“The comeback Y Team continue to be road warriors in these sports playoffs, and after holding off the X Team in a frantic third period Wednesday night in Some City for a bigger number-smaller number win, we’ve officially got ourselves a series in this Sport Specific Final.” – Ubiquitous News Sports
Oh hey, person waving at me in line! I see you’ve noticed my “sports team” hat. You must’ve watched the game last night. I sure did. What a shocker, right? They’re tied – back to the hometown! I hope they win but, at the same time, will preemptively agree with you that a good series is better than a sweep.
No, I don’t actually love the team, or know much about them, but since you looked at me with that big smile on your face, assuming I was a fan, on this fine day, the day after the big game, I’m not going to turn your smile upside down. Instead, I’ll just run with it. No one will be the wiser.
Besides, we’re both on our way to work, right? This short, idle chit chat won’t go more than thirty seconds. Maybe a minute. I can bullshit my way through your goodwill until it’s time to order my coffee.
Funny thing is, I don’t even watch sports. Not even a little! I used the excuse of the “big finals” to get drunk at home. Or, is it the “playoffs?” I get them confused but you probably won’t notice my slip-up with all the joy-joy feelings we’re sharing right now.
Truth be told, my wife has been calling me out to all our friend’s every time I bring up the series. And, you know what? She’s right! I just started watching the ol’ home team a week ago when a friend’s Facebook post went viral and showed up in my feed. I’m not even sure what their record is this season, or that it was even the end of the season, but I shared it! Got lots of likes from people I hardly ever talk to.
Hell, if my wife were here right now, she’d tell you that I fell asleep during last night’s game. I had to Twitter the results when I woke up at 2 a.m. with a headache! In fact, most of what I’m telling you right now is a regurgitation of some of the best tweets I read last night. Totally not plagiarizing, though, considering that I was too drunk to remember who said what – such a wild game!
Oh crap… now you’re doing a deep dive into the team’s history, statistics, rivalries, and intrigue. I’d be pretty embarrassed if you found out that I’m more lost now than before. Especially with all these people passively listening in and nodding their heads in quiet agreement to our overly loud and celebrative conversation.
You know, this interaction we’re having here still feels fantastic, amiright? I feel like a true fan, minus knowing all the requisite team lore to be a fan.
On the real, though, it probably would’ve been easier to just say, “Sorry buddy! It’s just a hat. I’m not really a fan.” I didn’t, though. Couldn’t, actually. You wouldn’t. No one would. We’re tribal, in a way, and always in need of social acceptance – just want to be part of the in-group. Even us non-sports types, who’ve fought peer pressure all these years, telling all our friends and family how little we value “mainstream” sports. We thought we were just, like, so above it. But, after years of witnessing the brotherhood, the sisterhood, the camaraderie – that one time someone bought me a beer at the bar because of this exact hat – it’s hard to resist. And look, I’m not one to turn down a free beer, or not buy one for someone else as the situation requires.
So, here we are. I’m still nodding my head along with you but my smile is starting to hurt. I’ve pretty much exhausted my superficial knowledge over the past couple of minutes.
Huh, would you look at that? The baristas are taking extra long this morning. Wasn’t expecting that. Time to end this conversation with a series of grunts and a casual glance at my cell phone. Excuse me while I scroll unnecessarily through my email.
You have a good one, buddy. Go team!
