Many people look to their horoscope for advice in all areas of life. And since baseball season is finally here, and people often have trouble finding the best place to watch the game at the ballpark, I, your unqualified horoscope guru, am here to help!
- Aries: The best place for you is most likely the lower-level seats near the foul line where you can try to punch people in the face (never if it’s a five-year-old) so you can fulfill your dream of owning a baseball from a ballpark that you could just get at Target for ten bucks.
- Taurus: For you, my warm-hearted friend, the best place is chilling at the bar outside the ballpark. You are too conservative with your money to buy a ticket. Don’t worry, kid. Your determination will get you in the park soon.
- Gemini: You guys always have trouble watching the game live, but you still love being at the ballpark. You don’t care about spending money for a seat you don’t sit in. So head to the gift shop where you can watch the game on the TV right above the register.
- Cancer: And for you my crabby friend, the best place for you would be in the fancy club seats. You like the protection of the glass windows because you burn up easily from the sun.
- Leo: The best place for you would be in the bleachers in the outfield with the friends you just met five minutes ago. You can easily manipulate them to buy you a beer after you used your cup to catch a home run.
- Virgo: Ugh, Virgos. No seat is good for you because you’ll complain about everything in the section. Why don’t you stay home so you don’t keep telling me every hour that you would rather be there than here.
- Libra: You easily want to be right behind the home team’s dugout. You love the romanticism of the game and know every single player’s statistics by heart. Once the game is over, you like to follow them home as they’re the most important thing in your life right now.
- Scorpio: The best place for you is in a far corner in the upper balcony seating like a vampire hiding in the dark. You hate people and like to be left alone when you want to have fun.
- Sagittarius: You need to be in the lower level in the back with an easy exit so you can easily buy your hot dogs every hour. You have a deep love for a poorly cooked pig that was sold for $1 because that’s the best thing you have eaten all week.
- Capricorn: You just need a section where you can sit by yourself. I swear to God I can’t sit by you, as you can be a sore loser who is sure to throw beer in my face when your team loses.
- Aquarius: You guys are really hard to figure out. You like to be in the lower level in the far sections but still right behind the protective netting. You somehow love an obscure view and seem to enjoy straining your neck for three hours to watch the game.
- Pisces: The best place for you is the upper balcony seating in the full sun. You can put on your shades and catch a nap without fear of a fly ball knocking you out.
