Hi everyone, it’s Deacon Carl, standing up here on our sacred pulpit, in front of God and this entire congregation, letting you know the slanderous rumors being spread about me are one million percent false. Let me say this loudly and clearly enough so everyone in the balcony and inside the crying baby room can hear: the sexprints all over the church van are not mine. Those are not my footprints on the windshield. That is not my assprint on the passenger side window. That is not my penis-print on the moonroof. Some of you know I initially blamed Pastor…
Author: John Jodzio
John Jodzio
John Jodzio's work has been featured in a variety of places, including This American Life, McSweeney's, and New York Magazine. He's the author of the short story collections, 'Knockout,' 'Get In If You Want To Live' and 'If You Lived Here You’d Already Be Home.' He lives in Minneapolis.