For far too long, the references used by Big Weather when reporting the relative size of hail have left the general population baffled. Sizes like ping-pong ball, golf ball, pea, and nickel are no longer relatable to everyday folks. They are hard to swallow for people who have never stepped foot on a polo field or eaten a vegetable or bought a new vape refill with a bag of coins collected from the couch cushions. Sure, they may have worked for your granddaddy, but it’s not 2025 anymore.
Today we are proud to announce the Superior Hail Index Terminology which replaces the archaic and obtuse Common Hail Index Parameters. You can expect to hear the following, highly relatable and universally accepted terms effective immediately:
1. Booger size hail. Disgusting? Yes, but so is hail damage, and its ubiquity is undeniable.
2. Fly size hail. You’ve certainly seen a fly more recently than you have seen a “golf ball”, whatever that is.
3. 32-bit fixed-point C2000 Microcontroller Unit (TMS320F2812PGFA) size hail. No explanation needed on this one, obviously. It probably goes without saying, but of course we’re talking about the 179-pin package, NOT the 176 pin one which would be flippant and irresponsible for you to even suggest.
4. Balled up breakfast burrito aluminum foil wrapper size hail. You likely have one in your pocket right now. Meanwhile, if I asked you for a nickel, you wouldn’t even know where the nickel store is.
5. Chicken Mini size hail. Everyone eats these on days they are not eating breakfast burritos, so you get a reminder of the size a few times a week
6. Chihuahua size hail. You hear one breathing or barking right now. Go ahead, look up. There it is. Lock that size in your head. Stay safe this season.
7. 1975 AMC Pacer (Red) size hail. While they are in fact rare, you never forget that time you saw one. Hail this size is also rare, but I bet you’d remember it. If you survived.
We hope this list brings you comfort and clarity in the face of the next monstrous storm. Big Weather stands with you. Not with nickels.