Hello!
Me again, I never heard back about potentially playing my pipe organ at your renowned Starbucks in Times Square. I can only assume that this is a no-reply-means-yes situation. So it almost goes without saying that I am BEYOND excited to play there very soon. A couple updates below:
My preferred concert time would be first thing in the morning during a weekday, since I play at Pootnam High School basketball games on Saturdays (go Mudhens!) and Wandering Shepherd Church on Sundays (go God!). I can’t imagine the store will be too busy at that time, plus I’ve always felt that organ music is such a peaceful and contemplative way to start the day. Do note: for safety purposes, all of your customers and employees must wear earplugs for the duration of the performance.
You may notice some subcontractors surveying and measuring the store later this week. Since I exclusively play with my organ quartet, I hired them to make some slight in-store alterations to accommodate four 800 lb. Johannus Monarke church organs. They’ll be tearing down the street facing wall and extending out the cafe, giving us roughly 1,000 more square feet of divine piping bliss. Also, that reminds me: It’d be best for one of your lovely employees to run on down to city hall and start the paperwork on those pesky permits :). I know this may seem like a slight inconvenience, but trust me, you’ve never heard “Take Me Out to The Ball Game” quite like this!
In terms of concert day etiquette, I follow the standard protocol of legendary German organist Max Reger: complete silence both during and between movements, a brief intermission with cold sauerkraut and spätzle (must be prepared by you, the host) and a cannon salute honoring the two men who were crushed to death during the tragic Mainz Cathedral organ renovation of 1929. Obviously, bringing a bulky cannon into your store would be impractical and nearly impossible.
Instead, we’ll be substituting the salute with a dramatic re-enactment of that fateful day, featuring an organ dropped via forklift on top of two man-sized latex balloons filled with strawberry Jello. To make it a truly memorable experience, the screams of agony will be performed by me, the rest of the quartet, and hopefully a few volunteers from the audience.
As for my contact information, I recently found out that AOL has been charging me for the past 30 years. As a result, I’ll be discontinuing my email address. How ridiculous is that? I guess the World Wide Web isn’t for everyone. But this shouldn’t be a problem, I can answer any and all questions in a few short weeks when I arrive to perform!
Can’t wait,
Kyle Von Pelplelel